Regular readers know Professional Moron is steeped in literature and body parts, so why not combine the two into some sort of twisted work of demented excellence? This is what we’ve done today, with some of the best plays in the history of stuff given a unique Chinese burn towards improvement.
You’ll find them all here – eyebrows, tongues, earlobes, big toes, little toes, that bit between your thumb going up to your index finger, and your elongated tusks. Who’d have thought these things could be used to fuel some of the finest literature on the planet? Probably no one… until today!
Much Ado About Kneecaps
Starting off, quite rightly, with Shakespeare, his fondness for kneecaps led him to pen this comedy in the 1980s. Despite being a bit old now, it’s still funnier than your average Adam Sandler melodrama (ba-dum-tish – that was a lazy, but pertinent, observation).
Waiting For Gallbladder
This dramatic play had the gall to take on the gallbladder. The result? An instant classic which will remind you to visit the toilet.
A Streetcar Named Bile Duct
Marlon Brando once starred in this play, which has a peculiar fixation with the bile duct.
The Taming of the Small Intestine
Shakespeare again with one of his most famous plays which dishes out the scatological humour like crazy.
The Importance of Being Esophagus
Oscar Wilde was renowned for being as witty as Forest Whitaker after taking witty drugs.
Mother Courage and Her Chin
Chins are extremely important, as is highlighted in this play. Without your chin, you would be a mere shell of a human being.
Pirates of Penis
W.S. Gilbert’s debauchery-fuelled romp was banned in 300 countries when published in 1879. Shiver me timbers, with a title like that you can see sea why, me hearties!
Arms and the Man
Cheers, Bernard Shaw, you did this one for us!
Twelve Armpit Men
Reginald Rose really revolutionised reasoning regarding relatively redundant armpits. His play, brilliantly, consists of 12 men standing around exposing their armpits and yelling at each other. Hot damn.
Death of a Skeleton
Arthur Miller’s classic is about a skeleton which is already dead, but it dies again anyway to be on the safe side.
A Streetcar Named Abdomen
Yep, this again! Ever desired a streetcar? Well, it’s kind of pointless owning one in today’s world of traffic jams and rush-hour nonsense. Just walk, you know? Anyway, you can read this play about abdomens if you want to understand the correlation between automobiles and the human belly.
An Armpit for all Seasons
Robert Bolt’s brilliant piece of writing really caught the essence of what it is to have armpits. A controversial play for those amongst us who don’t have armpits, there were ugly riots in the author’s native Cheshire, although this might have just been drunken football riots.
No Exit and Thorax Other Plays
Satre’s genius shone through with his plays about the thorax. It’s not known why he did this, but there you go – some writers move in mysterious circles.
The King of leering at other peoples’ body parts, this sexist git gets what for in Shakespeare’s classic.
Romeo and Jugular
This romantic drama about a man who falls in love with a jugular (yeah, it’s a bit weird when you stop to think about) has spawned movies starring Leonardo da Vinci and Great Danes.
The Cherry Orifice
Chekov’s exceptionally rude and childish play made many a schoolboy giggle in class. The immature git.
In the Bladder
Suzan-Lori (from the Walking Dead) Parks’ urine-based play was initially dismissed for being too stupid. It’s now considered something of a piss-take on upstanding noble traditions.
Death of a Sphincter
Arthur Miller’s brilliant play really put the sphincter on the map, which is nice.
The Glass Mullet
Tennessee Williams’ mullet-based play attempted to make the mullet a talking point in society. It failed.
Oedipus the Knob
Sophocles wrote this puerile play about King Oedipus, who was a bit of a knobhead (i.e. an unpleasant person). It’s considered a milestone in scathing, but childish, wit.