Exclusive Invention: Post-It Boats (sticky, but handy, boats)

Post-it notes
Note to self: buy a boat.

During the week we got some free post-it notes from work. This got us thinking… what about if you had that with boats? Thusly, we had an epiphany: post-it boats. Not that we own a boat, of course, living here in Manchester. We have lakes, and stuff, but some chav would steal the boat before we could use it for anything. So what’s the point?

But for less crime-ridden areas of the world, boats are commonplace. Not as commonplace as cars, but we reckon within 20 years 70% of the non-British world will own at least one boat. So they’ll need to store the things, which is where our sticky post-it boats will come in ultra-handy (and sticky).

Post-It Boats

Imagine this – you’ve been on a global circumnavigation and you’re pulling your boat up into the harbour of Monaco, that most famous of principalities. But… ****! It’s already packed out with loads of other boats! WTF!? Oh well, you’ve got scurvy and you almost drowned during that storm a month back, but there’s no room for you. Off you go!

It’s a story as old as time. Boat owners forced to head back out to sea due to overcrowded harbours and forced into certain death. Thankfully, that’s all about to change. Due to the large section of sticky adhesive stretching along the side of your boat, you’re able to stick the boat to the side of a structure where it will rest safely and not bother anyone. A perfect solution.

With a few drawbacks. Naturally, you may have a few questions about how you’re supposed to manually lift the boat out of the water and stick it to, for instance, the side of a building. Would the property owner even allow that?

Well, for the former you just need a few really strong people to do it for you (or have a crane handy at all times). With the latter, sod them! It’s your boat. What’s their building got to do with anything (other than being an effective storage space)?

But the beauty of the post-it boat is its simplicity. Just park up, hoist it out of the water, and stick it somewhere safe. And this can be wherever you want – stick your boat to the side of another bigger boat, if it takes your fancy!

But after stealing a boat from Liverpool docks, we found the best thing to do is jam it to the side of someone’s house. This usually leads to an argument with the owner, but if you get physically and verbally abusive they often back off (until the cops turn up).

Getting It Off

When our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, stuck our stolen boat to the side of Manchester’s Hilton hotel (we got a crane to whack it up 50ft on the side of the skyscraper) he later found a slight problem. He’d been off shopping and bought a load of potatoes. But on returning to retrieve the boat, he found he couldn’t get it down (as Mr. Wapojif isn’t 50ft tall).

Thankfully, after it rained that afternoon, the adhesive strip lost its grip and the boat came crashing down to Earth. Although a crumpled heap on the floor, our esteemed editor still dragged the boat to the nearest canal with the plan to sail home and bake some potatoes.

Obviously, the boat promptly sank. Mr. Wapojif rain air search and rescue emergency services, so a fleet of helicopters soon arrived on the scene to fish him out of the canal. He was later criticised for wasting local resources, to which he countered with a profane press release about the socioeconomic benefits of the post-it boat. So there.


Dispense with some gibberish!

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