Odd, isn’t it?In Star Wars, Harrison Ford doesn’t want to know the odds. But he was in quotable form during The Empire Strikes Back: “I love you” – “I know”. Moving stuff.

But sometimes a loveable rogue has to go and fly straight into an asteroid belt for the hell of it. And that’s the type of thing that could make you mess up your speech patterns!

Never tell me the odds!

The original right here, right now. C3PO dutifully informs Han about the danger involved with giant rocks flying about in close proximity. The result? Epic shutdown, bro!

High pressure, tell me the odds!

Yes, it’s a high pressure situation. So in this alternate version Han recognises they’re in some serious crap and he wants to know about their chances of being obliterated. Very reactive of you, Han solo.

Never tell me, sod!

Or you could just swear at the overly informative camp robot. So Han went for that one here, with a relatively low key line of profanity.

Never tell me about God!

True, you wouldn’t really want to know about a deity as you plunge through space avoiding rocks by the narrowest of margins. Good thinking, space captain.

Never tell me about the arthropods!

Okay. Is that a phobia or something, Han Solo? Is that why you hang about with a walking carpet instead of, say, Admiral Ackbar (the lobster-like one).

High blood pressure, tell me the odds!

So yes, in a situation like that your blood pressure would spike a tad. It’s a stressful situation after all. But we still think not knowing the odds would be better.

NEVER YELL ME THE ODDS!

Yeah, but, you’re yelling that back at him. Which is hypocritical, Han. And that makes you stupid.

Never sell me the odds!

Yes a good idea, you’re already have a gamble by going into that asteroid field. What’s the point in putting money on it if you’re doomed anyway?

Never tell bees the odds!

Damn straight. You can’t trust bees. Ever.

Never tell cheese it’s odd!

Well, cheese is coagulated cow’s milk. So we guess it is a bit odd. To be fair to the stuff, best pretend it’s as normal as yoghurt.

Never tell me, Todd!

Due to being in a state of blind terror, Han Solo forgets the robot’s name and we get the delightful C3PO Todd. Catchy.

Whomever, tell me the odds!

Han Solo getting big on his pronouns in the heat of a life or death moment. Maybe focus on the bigger picture, eh? Such as the odds. It’s 3 + 3 / asteroids = 2.

Associate professor, tell me the odds!

Not sure where Han Solo thinks he is here. But it’s definitely not in a university. You’re in deep space legging it from Darth Vader, mate. Dissertations won’t help you here. Nor is there an abundance of associate professors.

Nebuchadnezzar, tell me the odds!

Okay, so Nebuchadnezzar II was the King of Babylon from c. 605 BC – c. 562 BC. Star Wars is set a long time ago in a galaxy far away, so there’s a slim possibility the King could be out with Solo and co. to help out.

Cold weather, tell me the odds!

Cold weather in a deep space when entering an asteroid field? An extreme possibility it’ll get a bit nippy, Han.

Never tell me you’re a seedpod!

C3P0 isn’t a seedpod, Harrison Ford. He’s a robot.

And finally…

Never tell me about the frogs!

Got to agree with Han Solo on this one. In such a situation as that, you wouldn’t have any particular interest learning anything about frogs. That’s what the off button is for on robots.