Music speaks to people in the way halfwits push at doorways that need pulling forward. So today, we’re celebrating that, music, singles, and The Doors.

Also, we’d like to remind everyone that we’re not mocking vacuity. We revel in it. So, please buy these hit singles and make them successful.

Call Me, Halfwit

Blondie’s accusatory single about why some men wouldn’t call her. Well, you know, not everyone likes blondes!

Another Halfwit in the Wall

Well, Pink Floyd, that’s great and everything. But… well, no. That’s it. Carry on.

Halfwit Lines

Robin Thicke’s terrible song here. We think we improved this one, to be honest.

Halfwit of Kintyre

Paul McCartney’s terrible Wings single (even through Wings did some great music). Get the bagpipes out, lads! No… why the plastic bags? Oh, you halfwits!

Total Eclipse of the Halfwit

Catchy tune with a negative message for lesser intelligence. Bad song!

Halfwit Chameleon

Boy George this time. When not busy dressing up as a man, he’s having a go at the dumb people. Do you really want to hurt them, George?

What’s Love Got To Do With Halfwits?

True, good point. Thanks Tina Turner.

Like a Halfwit

Madonna’s smash hit single. It was really controversial, because of the overly religious nature of the song given the subject matter.

Everytime You Halfwit Away

Thanks, Paul Young, you’re right on that one. They do go off on it.

There’ll be Halfwit Songs (To Make You Cry)

Well… it depends how dumb the lyrics are, we guess.

Take My Halfwit Away

Berlin’s smash hit is a positive message for stupid people. Readers in this blog should revel in the moment. You’re worth it.

Walk Like an Halfwit

The Bangles getting grammar wrong there. How does a halfwit walk? From experience, it’s a general stagger down the street whilst clattering into thing.

Halfwit is a Place on Earth

Thanks, Belinda Carlise. We guess it’s dependant on which country you live in.

The Way You Make Me Halfwit

Michael Jackson channelling the dumb. Good on you, man. We’ve been doing that for the last eight years.

Here Comes the Halfwit

The Beatles in abusive form here. Was that really necessary, John Lennon?!

I Want To Hold Your Halfwit

Not advised, that may end in bouts of extreme violence and/or gurgling.

Sympathy for the Halfwit

The Rollings Stones—thank you for that. Empathy is a good step.

Halfwit Song

Led Zeppelin hit it big with this number.

Over the Halfwit and Far Away

Led Zeppelin hit it big with this song, too! Well done.

And finally

I Got You, Halfwit

Cher song about the standardised message for this post. Now, try and get the REAL song out of your head, eh? EH!?