We’ve had a few animal based posts recently. That one below this with the cow thing explaining our week long hiatus, and the one before that with the Professional Moron staff pet Beans the hamster. So we thought we should honour the animal kingdom today by finding some of the most bizarre creatures we could find. The thing on the right (who we hope is called Dave) starts things off, but it is kind of normal looking. Much like a sort of deer/goat/thing thing. It’s just pulling a stupid face, is all. So we went looking for some properly weird weirdos, and boy did we get lucky. We’d actually seen most of them before, but if you’ve not we hope you HENjoy!!!!!
1 – The Blob Fish – We’re sure it took considerable brain power to name these creatures, and in fact we’d have been more inclined to go with The Speedy Zip Zip Fish. Hell, we’re not mariners, though. Nor are we lawyers, or dentists, so we don’t get a say in naming the blighter. Almost nothing is known of the Blob Fish, other than that it looks like a blob, and that it feasts on human flesh. This is why they are only observed when dead.
2 – The Bin Monster (also known as the Giant Coconut Crab) – We all love bins with a passion, but clearly the Bin Monster has a greater claim to them than even human beans do! And who could blame them (or want to get in the way of them)? Bins are ace – they have lots of junk in them that has been chucked out for no reason. Humans are so wasteful, so the Bin Monster goes in the bin to empty it all out into neatly compiled piles of recycling. As with the blob fish, little is known about it apart from its love of bins, recycling, and feasting on human flesh.
3 – Aye Aye! – Again, considerable brain power to name this startled looking creature (must have been something to do with its wide, expressive nostrils). Although the Aye Aye is emaciated, weak, and rather helpless, its fondess for gorging on human flesh makes it a nemesis to humankind. Indeed it does.
4 – Hirishnu The Mighty – And if you thought the Aye Aye was bad, then Hirishnu The Mighty here is even worse. He has lived for 17,000 years just off the highstreet in Preston (near where that rubbish shopping centre is – The Fishergate. Right near the train station) and is universally feared for his psychotic and devious plans. Despite his reign of terror he maintains a low profile and a sedate lifestyle, working part-time in the grocery department at ASDA. He is also well known for feasting on human flesh so, if you live in the North West, steer well clear of him.
5 – The Giraffe – Right, we all know the Giraffe. Strange beast with massive neck to eat leaves on trees, but improbable stupidity follows when attempting to drink water. No matter how often we at the Professional Moron office look at the Giraffe (yes, we’re using capitals for the names of these creatures even when we don’t need to – it’s called RESPECT!) we simply can’t fathom how downright idiotic they look. However, they are also well known (when trees aren’t around) for feasting on human flesh, so we don’t want to “diss” them too much.