Gangrenous Gary’s Giraffe Rental Service [Sponsored Post]

Gangrenous Gary's Giraffe Rental Service
Book your huge yellow monster NOW!

Are you on the lookout to hire a huge yellow monster!? Then you’re in luck, because at Gangrenous Gary’s Giraffe Rental Service… we’ve got loads!

But we’re not here to cause confusion like Toys “R” Us and Jeffrey.

No. We’re here to let you hire a massive monster, let it roam around a bit, then you return the beast to us and bask in the happy memories!

Hire Your Giraffe… TODAY!

There are many reasons why you’d want to hire a giraffe over a six hour window! For example, to:

  • Liven up birthday parties.
  • Take the edge off funerals.
  • Impress your dinner party guests.
  • Impress your date.
  • Get some company in general.
  • Position next to a large tree, so you could scale the giraffe and get on the tree a bit easier.
  • Help people down from a blazing inferno.
  • Bring a pet to work day.
  • Re-enact that brachiosaurus scene from Jurassic Park the film.
  • Ride the monster through a McDonald’s drive through, in the vague hope the beast scares off the employees so you’re left with free fast food.

Now, you may be wondering… where does the gangrene come into all of this?

Rest assured, that’s just our CEO Gary. He upset one of the giraffes and it stomped on his leg, which has now got gangrene.

Since he refuses to have the leg amputated, he goes by the name Gangrenous Gary.

Don’t be scared! You won’t have to deal with him! He stinks bad, but he runs things in the office at the back. Away from the giraffes.

Hiring Your Giraffe

It’s £300 for six hours and £1,000 for 24 hours with your temporary pet giraffe!

Simply place your order online and we’ll deliver the yellow monster to your property within the hour! We’ll arrive in a big old truck, with the giraffe’s head sticking out of the top.

You’ll hear us coming from a mile off, because we’ll be blasting out that Toto song Africa from loudspeakers.

Plus, the giraffe will generally be braying and honking—those things are loud, so you won’t fail to notice its arrival!

But giraffes are very friendly! Your huge yellow monster of a pet will immediately want to storm your home, raid your fridge, gnaw your furniture, and chomp on anything in your garden.

Please DO NOT attempt to stop the giraffe from doing this.

If you do, it may stomp on you in a burst of foul temper. Or it could headbutt you. Or whack you one with a giant sweep of its massive neck. This can result in:

  • Gangrene.
  • Broken bones.
  • Severe concussion.
  • Decapitation.
  • The giraffe stampeding off into the community to ram-raid your neighbours’ homes.

At the end of your allotted time period with the giraffe, please tether it outside your property and we shall collect it and return it to its home.

Please note, Gangrenous Gary’s Giraffe Rental Service can’t be held accountable for any fatal or severe injuries gained through the hiring of one of our generally uncontrollable pet monsters.

Dispense with some gibberish!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.