STUNTS! With Seriously Stupid Stuart [Sponsored Post]

Stunts! With Seriously Stupid Stuart
Hire or catch fire!

There’s no better stuntman in the land than Seriously Stupid Stuart! He’ll put his life on the line to deliver stunts that defy ALL logic!

With 10 years’ experience in the biz, Stuart is already an industry legend! He’s been stuntman for Nicolas Cage and set many industry records!

Whether you need him to rollover a car or jump off a cliff, Stuart is a versatile stuntman who isn’t afraid to get himself killed for no good reason!

The Stupid Stunt Services on Offer

“The day I saw my father fall off a ladder and sprain his ankle was the day I knew I wanted to be a stuntman. There was something about listening to him screaming sweet bloody murder that made me think, ‘That’s what I wanna do!’ As a high achiever, I’m now the leading stuntman in all of Bury of Greater Manchester! And all it’s cost me is my long-term health prospects and the combined total of twelve months in hospital!”

Stuart started his stuntman career in 2012 aged just 25. A decade later and he’s mastered his craft, ideating within the sphere of blue sky delineation to create the perfect stuntman service.

His goal was as simple as he is.

“I realised that to be successful, I needed to be expendable. That visionary outlook opened a whole new world. Most stuntmen aren’t so keen on getting themselves killed horribly, but that’s where the money is. That’s where you get the recognition. It was a moment of genius.”

While Stuart’s wife, Sandra, disagreed with his vision (using the couple’s four kids as a feeble bargaining chip), Stuart told her, “Out of the way, woman!”

The next day, he jumped off a bridge for a client. The resounding crunch as his skull impacted into the concrete floor made even the hardiest fella wince.

But as he lay in hospital with a brain haemorrhage, Stuart knew… he’d made it.

“I’d landed the gig… quite literally! Haha. The client was a major studio and they knew they could use me for all sorts of insane stuff no one else was dumb enough to take on. I’d made it! Stunts With Seriously Stupid Stuart was born.”

The services Stuart provides are many and varied. Whatever you need for your film, TV show, or event, Stuart will do it! Including:

  • Human cannonball
  • Eating raw eggs on demand
  • Mindlessly throwing himself into shark-infested waters
  • Unquestioned self-immolation
  • Getting run over by a car
  • Getting run over by a van
  • Getting run over by a tank
  • Falling from enormous heights
  • Getting shot on demand
  • Fighting with wild animals
  • Brushing his teeth then drinking orange juice
  • Cleaning hair clogged in bathroom plugholes
  • Drinking really, really hot beverages
  • Deliberately acquiring headlice
  • Taking on drunken football hooligans
  • Initiating riots
  • Listening to rap music for hours on end
  • Running across roads without checking left or right
  • Playing chess while hungover
  • Eating nothing but Pot Noodle sandwiches
  • Climbing into wheelie bins and then being rolled down steep inclines (e.g. hills)

At only £100 an hour, Seriously Stupid Stuart is a steal! Book him today!

But hurry! It’s never clear whether Stuart will be alive this time next month or not, so make sure you get your order in ASAP to avoid disappointment.

Seriously Stupid Stuart’s Legal Disclaimer

I’m legally obliged to inform all of my clients that you book me at your own risk.

Hiring me is like hiring a bee. I’ve got an impressive sting, but once it’s gone I’m dead and buried.

Whether I’m a blazing fireball or plunging 300ft foot off a cliff with a crate of TNT strapped to my back, I can’t be held liable for any death and/or destruction I cause to my clients and their colleagues.

Please let it be known, I take maximum safety precautions at all times and only cut corners when I feel like it. Which is often.

Also, upon the highly likely event of my death during a stunt, it’s your legal responsibility to provide for my family (wife and four kids, another child is on the way) for the rest of their natural lives at the cost of £100,000 per year, per individual.

There’s a clause in the contract you sign indicating so.

Failure to meet the demands following my appalling death by severe trauma will result in a long-term prison sentence for you.

Dispense with some gibberish!

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