Hit Singles Ruined by Adding “Kelp” Into the Title

All the greatest kelp hits

Kelp is ubiquitous with rock and roll. We can all be in agreement on that.

And that’s why we’re looking into the leading seaweed-based hits that ruled the charts. Let’s call it a celebration… or a sealebration! Yes?

When Seaweed Ruled the Charts

It’s often forgotten how important seaweed was in developing the music scene of the 20th century. Without it, there would have been no Elvis. No The Beatles. No Britney Spears.

And that would have been appalling. But, seaweed is real and these were its biggest hits!


Kelp on the beach

The Beatles’ hit single was penned by John Lennon due to his natural love for large brown seaweed with a long stalk and divided broad frond that splits into strips.

One look at the lyrics and you can see why this was a #1 single:

Kelp! I need somebody,
Kelp! Not just anybody,
Kelp! You know I need seaweed.

(When) When I was younger (When I was young) so much younger than today,
(I never need) I never needed anybody’s kelp in any way,
(Now) But now these days are gone (These days are gone) and I’m not so seaweed,
(And now I find) Now I find I’ve changed my mind, I’ve opened up the dock.

We must only hope diehard Beatles fans never discover this page, otherwise they’ll burn the website to the ground for such blasphemy.

Can’t Kelp Falling in Love

A diver amongst sea kelp

Elvis knew a thing or two about kelp. And burgers. And music! What a legend. And his legendary track Can’t Kelp Falling in Love put kelp on the map. Check out the lyrics:

Wise men seaweed,
Only tides rush in,
But I can’t kelp falling in love with you,
Shall I surf?
Would it be a sin,
If I can’t kelp falling in love with you?

We must say… Elvis was the best lyricist in history.

With a Little Kelp From My Friends

Sea kelp seaweed in the ocean

The Beatles sure as hell weren’t going to sit back and let Elvis steal the kelp-based limelight away from them.

And that’s why in Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band the Fab Four landed a Ringo-heavy number. Good on them!

Whole Lotta Kelp

Kelp on the beach

Not to be outdone by The Beatles, Led Zeppelin’s hit single Whole Lotta Kelp went on to be the intro music to Top of the Pops for many decades.

Good on it! And good on seaweed! Sticking up for the broad frond strip thing.

Going to Kelpifornia

A diver amongst sea kelp

Ah, that legendary Led Zeppelin 1970s acoustic set. It featured amazing folk ballads such as Going to Kelifornia.

No one knows where the hell that is, of course, but the band did do a lot of drugs back in the day. Which is nice.

Don’t Look Back in Kelp

Sea kelp seaweed in the ocean

Oasis’ hit single here. It’s a wise track, informing listeners that it’s of poor judgement to peer behind you once in dense seaweed.

This is because you won’t be able to see anything. Wise lessons from the Manc band right there.

Here Comes the Kelp

Kelp on the beach

The Beatles… again! Looking back at the band’s music catalogue, the amount of seaweed-based songs is somewhat alarming.

The Fab Four was famous for its mind-expanding imagination, but we put it to you this shows nothing but limited imagination. For shame!

Kelp Fields Forever

A diver amongst sea kelp

John Lennon’s addiction with kelp didn’t end with Kelp! In fact, he wrote Kelp Fields Forever whilst in a literal kelp field!

Or so the legend goes. Maybe he had a spur of the moment writing spree, which is why so many Beatles songs are about seaweed? We’ll never know.

Where the Streets Have no Kelp

Sea kelp seaweed in the ocean

U2 finally got in on the seaweed act in the 1980s for the Joshua Tree album.

Misguidedly, the band postulated that they’d like city streets to flood with sea water, thus bringing kelp to the masses.

As you’d expect, that went down like a led balloon and U2 have since fallen into total obscurity, bankruptcy, and no one knows who Bono is.

Like, who even is Bono? See!

I Want to Know What Kelp Is

Kelp on the beach

Foreigner sung this one in 1984, clearly left baffled after decades of The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, and Elvis singing about the stuff.

Seemingly, anyway, although the haunting lyrics suggest the band were born at sea, but left confused about all the seaweed. Observe:

In my life, there’s been sunburn and shark attacks,
I don’t know if I can face it again,
Can’t stop now, I’ve travelled so far,
To change to a landlubber life.

I wanna know what kelp is,
I want you to show me, [Editor: Presumably, the band is asking The Beatles directly here]
I wanna feel what kelp is,
I know you can show me (hey).

Enigmatic, eh? That’s seaweed for you!

How Deep is Your Kelp

A diver amongst sea kelp

The Bee Gees weren’t afraid of singing in high-pitched voices. And, yes, they did a ditty about everyone’s favourite sea-based stuff, too.

And finally…

All You Need is Kelp

Sea kelp seaweed in the ocean

Of course, it’s The Beatles. Again. Like… the Fab Four? More like the Seaweed Obsessed Four, are we right?!


  1. You missed “Your so Kelp” by Carly Simon and “Another Kelp Sunrise” by Jimmy Buffet.

    OH and “Kelp Me” & “Heart of Kelp” by Blondie.

    Dahling! I am drowning in TV shows. It’s EMMY nominating season, and as a member of the Academy, I’m drowning in TV shows. Once this all blows over, I should be able to keep up a more normal abnormal blogging schedule. xx

    Liked by 2 people

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