Carla’s Curious Cape Construction Company is responsible for 37% of the world’s cloaks! That’s some 370 million cloaks produced EACH YEAR! 🦸
Need cloaks, do you? Well, you’ve come to the right place! Because we pelt them off our production like at 37 capes a second!
And we’ve got a SUMMER SALE on RIGHT NOW! Yes, it’s BUY ONE CAPE… GET ONE CAPE FOR THE HALF PRICE OF THE FIRST CAPE! Are we taking the cape!? No! Get your cloak TODAY!
Drape Your Cape Over Your Shape
Like capes, do you? Well, whether you’re a nefarious psychopath or a do-gooding do-gooder, Carla has you sorted with the best cloaks in the Universe!
And that’s because we use Carla’s patented super cloak-making ingredient:
Yes, that’s right! With that holding together your cloak, not even a nuclear explosion is shredding that thing from your body!
Of course, the detonation and fallout would instantly shred the skin from your body and pulverise your bones causing instant death. But at least your cape would still be in 100% working order!
And we guarantee that, or your money back*!
*Disclaimer: As you would be deceased by this stage, you would not receive any fiscal recurrences to your bank balance.
If you’re batshit crazy and want to annihilate the human race, then you’ll need a cape for that! And only the BEST cloaks will do.
Rest assured, Carla doesn’t discriminate against supervillains!
It doesn’t matter if you’re wanted the world over for horrific misdeeds, she’ll sort you out with a fantastic cape.
In fact, the more diabolical you are, the bigger the discount!
Simply provide proof of your maniacal antics at checkout and we’ll give you either a 10%, 20%, or 30% discount with the code MADBASTARD2000.
Are you a normie looking to spruce up your life!? Well, Carla has you covered!
Whether you’ve got an important job interview or boardroom meeting coming up, a shawl adds an extra air of portent to proceedings.
Is a shawl different from an ultra-cool cape/cloak? Well, not really. But kind of.
Look, you’re normal. You’re boring. There’s no way we’re producing a superpowered bit of cloth for someone who doesn’t know how to wield it’s power!
Carla made that mistake in the summer of 1976…
And she won’t make it again! As on that day, she handed out free cloaks as a celebration of all that is normal. The result? No survivors. All were never seen again, having catapulted themselves out of the orbit and deep into the far reaches of the Universe.
From that day, Carla vowed to only provide shawls to the everyday people. And if you value your life, you’ll accept this noble promise.
Want to Look Like an Idiot?! GLAIM YOUR CAPE!
Superheroes, supervillains! Waste not a jot longer. Sure, wearing a cloak makes you look like a bit of a prat.
But once you’ve got your underpants strapped on the outside on your jumpsuit, you’ll be fully primed to look like a total dickhead!
So order today from Carla’s Curious Cape Construction Company! Your cloak will be delivered to our via carrier pigeon within 37 weeks.