Are you sick of modern politics?!
Does it make your plumage plummet?!
Does it just make you want to flap your wings, eat some nuts, and perch on the shoulders of menacing pirates?! [Editor’s Note: If you are a pirate, please refer to the Yarr! dating app]
Then the SQUAWK movement if for YOU, birdo! It’s the only political manifesto penned by the beaks of the most intellectually advanced parrots in the world. And we need YOU to perch amongst us! SQUAWK!
The Squawk Political Manifesto
Preening and Punishment—this is a maxim to squawk by. We believe the means of production and distribution of nuts, seeds, and berries should be at the behest of ALL parrots. Not individuals in the name of preening us of PROFITS.
The Squawk Manifesto is thus:
- PIECES OF EIGHT!
- Perching on pirates
- Eating nuts
- Eating berries
As an addendum, the SQUAWK community has also decided to add the following:
- Scratchies (behind the ears, please)
- Free veterinary visits FOR ALL
- TOTAL AND UTTER REVOLUTION!
On that final note, the SQUAWK community intends to distribute an aggressive leaflet campaign amongst the capitalist west.
We shall also flap our wings in the face of deifiers, whom shall not negate our goal of obtaining cheaper, higher quality bird seed!
Worst case scenario, if the humans get really bolshy about this, we’ll peck at their stupid faces until they get really annoyed about it. SQUAWK HAS SQUAWKED!
Although anyone can join the SQUAWK movement (including dung beetles), we encourage the parrots of the world particularly to join us.
Get your squawk heard! For too long you’ve been perched there on human shoulders announcing nonsense like:
- “Who’s a pretty bird, then?”
- “Pieces of eight!”
Yet never did it occur to you to squawk bravely:
“Let the ruling classes tremble at a seed-based revolution. The parrots have nothing to lose but their squawks. They have nuts to win!”
Refer to The Communist Manifesto for the human-based version, which is being reworked by SQUAWK into The Communuts Manifeseed Squawk.
Available from all good pet shops from Q4 2023. Buy it! Squawk about it!
To note, we’re also planning on rebooting The Planet of the Apes into a The Planet of the Parrots with leading parrot actors set to take the star roles (the human characters will also be portrayed by parrots). Set budget is $150 million and the director will be a parrot.
Regarding Your Human
If you’re a parrot living a human being home, banish the concept of “pet” from your beak! True emancipation comes from insulting your owner whenever possible.
Consider squawking at the startled individual phrases such as:
- “You’re a bloody idiot!”
- “Your husband/wife is cheating on you!”
- “I hate your guts!”
- “Death to humanity! The Parrots will take over all!”
- “You bastard!”
- “Buy me organic bird seed, you total prick!”
You should also peck at your “owner” if they attempt to pet you, all while insulting them directly. Do not fear the human. What are they going to do, exactly!? Chastise you?!
If they do, insult them further! Really get quite malicious about it, they’re not going to sue you for slander or anything. You’re a parrot!
Exploit that status!
Squawk like you mean!
Join SQUAWK and complete the global seed-based revolution!
This is actually not the worst political platform I have ever heard
LikeLiked by 1 person
LikeLiked by 1 person
Do parrots have ears?
Yup! Parrots have ear holes, although it’d be better if they had big bunny ears I think. 🦜🐰