It’s good business practice to promote a stimulating, engaging, productive, exciting, enthralling, and thrilling working environment. This ensures your employees don’t get bored.

Bored employees are one giant step closer to socialism and the collapse of life as we know it.

As such, it’s good business practice to ensure boredom NEVER factors into daily working life. To ensure such a scenario, read on for details on how to artificially enliven your business. Even if what you do is as inherently dull as dishwater.

Overcoming Boredom in the Workplace With Some Probably Quite Unstable Ideas

This matter is governed by The Boredom in the Workplace (Zzzz) Act 1974. The Act is complemented by no other Acts. However, it is part of the wider The Business Acts at Work Act 1974 that was actually written in 1975, but there was a typo along the way and the year earlier has stuck ever since.

There have been suggestions to update The Boredom in the Workplace (Zzzz) Act 1974 to match modern working standards.

However, the Act shan’t be updated as indicated in an addendum on page one of 33,421 in section 43 (13 a):

“Boredom is exactly the same in modern life as it was in 1974. Therefore, hence, thus, said act of boredom requires no update due to this state of affairs. Indeed.”

The use of the adverb “indeed” in this section has been criticised for being a boring adverb, thus leading to further calls for the 1974 Act to be modernised.

This led to various older men nearing retirement with big beards (as part of a major employment law organisation) to note in a press release:

“We are not adjusting this. If ‘indeed’ is judged to be ‘boring’ by modern standards then is it really the suggestion of modern employees to change that to something such as YOLO or goated with the sauce? We fail to see how these are boring, not boring, or anywhere in between.”

Calls for the Act to be adjusted continue, although they’re repeatedly rejected by the employment law organisation due to being “boring”  requests.

Signs and Symptoms of Boredom at Work

To avoid having bored employees at work you should make things interesting. However, this is easier said than done and is also something you probably shouldn’t be arsed about until you see the tell tale signs of bored members of staff.

Signs and symptoms of being bored include:

• Sighing
• Wailing in horror
• Falling asleep at their desk
• Yawning
• Impromptu napping
• Drinking endless cups of harsh black coffee
• Announcing in a loud voice “I am showing the signs and symptoms of being bored”
• Demonstrating apathy
• Stifling yawns

Yawning at work is one of the worst crimes against modern capitalism. Apathy is just as bad. In fact, that entire list is INFURIATING and should make your blood bloody well boil.

As such, it’s good business practice to ensure no one is EVER bored at your business premises. Here’s how!

Boredom Alleviation Tactics at Work

Asides from the obvious (e.g. detonating TNT at random intervals) you should look to:

• Not be boring

To do that, just don’t be dull. It’s not really something you can learn, though, you’re either a charismatic leader or one of those dullards who likes droning on and on.

If you’re the latter, you can consider being drunk before talking to your employees. Your drunkenness will (probably) make you more interesting.

Should that not be want you want to do, distribute those Christmas cracker paper hats throughout your workplace. Those little items of joy always disseminate non-boredom wherever they do go.

Even if you’re in the world’s most boring meeting, you can guarantee those Christmas cracker paper hats will deliver fun and frivolity.

Key Takeaways of Workplace Boredom and the Future of Humanity

The leading postulation of Einstein’s Theory of Relativity is that boredom is bendy and dullard humans will attract boredom to them whereby it’ll levitate around their being.

To ensure this doesn’t happen to you or your employees, you should form a cult.

It doesn’t really matter what the cult is (we recommend you make it about marmalade), just ensure the marmalade is fresh so no one comes down with food poisoning.

Although, and ironically, that’d be a superb way to ensure non-workplace boredom.