If you need a receptionist with a difference, you need Tiger for a Receptionist Services Ltd. Although we’re a highly dubious operation, we train tigers to be tigererrific receptionists.

Really, they do a SUPERB job.

The animals are aggressive, dangerous, and prone to sleeping on the job—this is the purrfect new receptionist for your business! No hassle from drunk patrons with these guys around! Only death, destruction, horror, and nap time.

Hire a Tiger for a Receptionist: NOTHING CAN GO WRONG!

Although we’re aware it’s really quite appalling and atrocious we force tigers into human environments, we’re doing it anyway because we want to earn a lot of money. It’s the capitalistic way!

That’s why we looked for a gap in the receptionist market.

The gap? A severe lack of tigers as receptionists. Thus, we filled that gap. Hence, there are now 39 tigers operating as receptionists across the UK. Coincidentally, that coincides with 39 recent human-based tiger maulings in the UK, too, although that is purely coincidental coincidence.

Deploying Your Tiger as a Receptionist (trigger warnings)

Tigers are wildly unpredictable, vibrant monsters who are ready and willing to attack anything on sight. They’re extremely fast, extremely powerful, and extremely inappropriate for use within the likes of:

• Businesses
• Hotels
• Restaurants
• Cheese shops

However, business is all about INNOVATION and MARKET DISRUPTION and what better way to disrupt the market than with an enraged, hungry, and volatile tiger?! Exactly! Receptionism (that’s a real word!) will never be the same again!

The Benefits of Tigers as a Receptionist

Installing a tiger into your reception area can still work wonders as:

1. Tigers are enormous, terrifying, and capable of reducing even the most macho dickhead bloke into dribbling, mewling semi-silence.
2. Tigers… yeah, refer to the above point

Okay, so fear factor is generally what we’re aiming for here. Tigers offer little else. They can’t speak English, often won’t respond to direct orders, and may even attempt to maul you.

And, we know, as a business owner that’ll come across as the UTMOST IMPERTINENCE!

However, if you’re willing to overlook such issues then you’ve got a bloody tiger, in your reception, looking cool, and only on 7 occasions out of 10 charging at someone with the intent to kill.

That’s bargain bin value, that is!

Hire Today! Fear, Screams, and Mayhem Are Mere Several Business Days Away!

If you’d like to hire a tiger as a receptionist, please follow the below pointlessly convoluted ordering requirements:

1. Send us your bank details
2. Confirm you have an adequate credit history
3. Confirm you are a human being (and not an antelope)
4. Give us your bank details
5. Wait patiently while we confirm you have paid us
6. Confirmation of payment via email, phone, text message, carrier pigeon, and telegram
7. Tiger delivery
8. Probable death

Simple, sorted, sufficient! Tigers are the future of receptions. Your business WILL FAIL DISMALLY without one! Order now. They’re GRRRRRE (the content is truncated here due to copyright infringement of Frosties breakfast cereal).