It’s okay to like someone, but what happens if you like them a lot when you also suffer from saying “like” a lot (one of the world’s most horrific speech conditions)?

Well, today we have a human female with such a dilemma.

She likes the human male she’s with, but she also says “like” too much and is driving the man bloke towards distraction. Can agony aunt jump in to save the day!?

When a Man Loves a Woman But Gets Annoyed With Her For Saying “Like” Too Much

Dear agony aunt,

My name is Susana and I’m 23 years of age. My boyfriend is called Beauregard (he’s not French, his parents are just a bit poncy) and is 25. We’ve been dating for the last few months, but for several weeks he became angry, listless, even volatile with his mouth hole exhortations (e.g. speech). He was CONSTANTLY criticising me for the most outrageous thinks to the point I was getting angry with his behaviour.

Turns out he thinks I say “like” too much and counted that I’d said it 456 times on Saturday—last weekend, when we spent the day with his poncy parents enjoying a roast dinner of pheasant and potatoes with gravy. It was truly scrumptious! But that meal is forever tainted… because Beauregard revealed to me but yesterday his dislike of my continuous “like” usage. He said this (paraphrasing a little):

“Susana, I should love you as only a shroud of misty dewdrops could dangle and whisper with susurrations on the wind… yet, thus, hence, my love is not pure or even ‘love’, per se, for you… you…”

And he turned his head at this point to stifle floods of tears. Then he turned back to me dramatically with his eyes as wide as canyons.

“YOU SAY ‘LIKE’ ALL THE TIME AND MY HEART DOES WANDER AND WONDER OF OTHER BIRDS!”

At first I thought he meant birds such as sparrows, but then I realised he was referring to other women. He confided in me he has feelings for a girl, Jessica, working at the local Co-Op because, “She has an truly amazing arse… and does not pronounce ‘like’ all the time and is womanly and ladylike.”

Well, I slapped the bastard one. Dickhead! Who the hell does he think he is?!

I also dumped him and left him sobbing in distress. Sad git.

Anyway, the reason I’m writing to you, agony aunt, is because I do believe I may well say ‘like’ a tad too much. It’s a bad habit I’ve fallen into as confirmed by record of 456 last weekend.

Suggestions on this? A speech coach? A lobotomy? Anything else?

Thank you kindly!

Susana

Hi there, Susana. Whilst violence is never the answer, clearly in this instance it was. Congratulations! You’ve dumped yourself a loser.

Now go forth and GET yourself that lobotomy, a face lift, breast implants, those weird lip inflating injections, and you’ll be all set to bag yourself BRAD PITT. Or some other bro who’ll appreciate your decision to receive brain surgery to create a cessation on a minor speech habit.