It’s winter, but stuff still needs to be got done. That’s why at Bobble Hat Bulldozers (BHB) we’re on a mission to keep society functioning with our bulldozers covered in giant bobble hats.
This innovative setup ensures our bulldozers keep warm (the top bits, anyway), functioning, productive, and churning materials out of the way as normal.
Get the Job Done With Bobble Hat Bulldozers!!!
No matter what’s going on at your construction site, we’ll clear it! You name it, we’ll do it—snowstorms, right-wing rioters outraged by woke rocks, boulders, hurricanes etc. Trust us, they’re very useful! Would a business ever lie to you!?
Exactly. We’re as trustworthy as a drunk construction worker driving heavy machinery. But why have hard hats when you can have bobble hats? They’re:
- Extremely fashionable and will look the part!
- Pose almost 0% health & safety risks!
- Except as a potential fire hazard, entanglement issue with other construction site materials, and by infuriating manly bloke geezer types who think bobble hats are for girls
- Keep bulldozers nice and warm during the winter months
- Add quirky fashion sense during the hot summer months
- Give bobble hats a much-needed bit of publicity
You name it, our contraptions can do it all AND with an added dollop of style:
- Dig stuff up
- Shift stuff the bloody hell out of the way
- Spreading soil and stuff dumped from trucks
- Demolishing pesky trees
- Demolishing pesky tree stumps
- Levelling around loading equipment
- Wearing bobble hats and looking awesome
Contact us today for a quote for your project!!! Please note, due to the high-quality of the bobble hats, and extra large size, it does mean our fees are considerably higher than those of our competitors.
However, before that makes you leg it one due to our extortionate prices, keep in mind this one horrifying unique selling point… our competitors’ bulldozers DO NOT HAVE BOBBLE HATS. Hateful, we know.
Frequently Asked Questions About Bobble Hat Bulldozers!!!
Here are some common FAQs to cover from burly builder types whom want answers to their goddamn questions.
This whole concept is too cute! My company is run by red blooded macho men and the very idea of bobble hats makes us physically sick! Can you provide the bulldozers WITHOUT the bobble hats, you woke snowflake bastards!?
Sadly, the bobble hats are an integral aspect to our brand identity. Thus, you cantankerous pricks showcasing tedious fragile masculinity, the bobble hats stay in place.
Who knits the bobble hats?
The bobble hats are knitted by our grandmothers. As a family run construction company, collectively we offer 13 grandmothers and we force them to work around the clock to keep the bobble hats knitted and to fix up any holes caused by fires and/or other on-site accidents.
Isn’t that slave labour?
No. It may, for all the world, look like “slave labour” but we can assure you we only verbally harass the grandmothers if they’re working too slowly. Otherwise, they get occasional tea breaks to relax and unwind before being forced to continue knitting.
Can I rent other heavy machinery for my project? I’m in need of a knuckle boom.
Who do you think we are… Knuckle Booms ‘R’ Us?! No! You will retract that statement IMMEDIATELY, apologise, and never again utter the words “knuckle boom”. We offer BULLDOZERS for hire with BOBBLE HATS on them and don’t you forget it!
Why are you so tetchy about this ridiculous concept?!
We are not “tetchy” it’s just we’ve invested many millions into this business. We’ve poured blood, sweat, tears, and urine into building this business from a haphazard startup into THE pre-eminent bobble hat sporting bulldozer company in the UK. If you’re not going to take us seriously, we’ll drive round to your property and DESTROY it. You have been warned!
