Once a wife installs beaded door curtains around a home, the human male husband will panic. This is because this type of doorway represents a barrier to many things.
Indeed. With these beads providing an emotional block between lovers, whilst also preventing blue bottle flies from entering certain areas of a household, our agony aunt enters the fray to try and save the day.
When a Beaded Door Curtain DESTROYS a Marriage
Agony aunt,
I am Fred the husband of Bertha. I am 52 and she is 53. This weekend after 25 year of marriage Bertha went and what did a when. She stuck up beaded curtains in the family home and did it too on a Saturday morning when I were very hungover. I were not best pleased with this development. It were 10am and I tried to come into the kitchen and these bloody beads is in me way. First thing I thought were it were Hippy Dippy La La Land because that’s what them commie bastards used to have in the 60s. Beads and curtains of beads.
“BERTHA! WHY IS THEM BEADED CURTAINS BLASTED WELL IN THE HOUSE?”
“SO AS WHAT TO KEEP THE FLIES OUT, GREATEST HUMAN MAN BLOKE HUSBANDS OF ALL TIME!”
“THAT IS VERY STUPID OF YOU, WOMAN!”
That was how the convo went. I then stopped shouting because it were making me head hurt. As were them beads. They CLACK and it’s like trying to enter a doorway with a WALL OF RAZORS in your face and no I bloody well am not overreacting. But you name it every doorway has it:
- Kitchen into lounge
- Lounge into dining room
- Dining room into man cave
- Man cave into living room
I blew me bloody lid when I saw the bathroom. THE TOILET SHOULD NOT HAVE A BLEEDIN BEADED DOOR CURTAIN ON IT FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE. What sort of woman would do a thing like that eh? Eh? How is a man like me supposed to get a bit of privacy when there’s beads and gaps and beads and my teenage son, Jeff, who I don’t want turning gay, and he has to see his dad sitting on the toilet, reading The Daily Express and I have to go “All right son!? Nice day, eh? Match on later! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET A GIRLFRIEND!?” but all me credibility is gone because I’m there trousers round me ankles using the bloody bog!
Bertha weren’t happy about that though she says the beads help the house “breathe” better and that’s “especially important” in the bathroom because of “you know whats” and I think she’s off her trolly. Lost her marbles. Mental.
Do you lot handle divorce pro-seedlings?
Ta
Fred
Hi there, Fred! No, we don’t handle divorce pro-seedlings, you’ll need a traffic warden to manage anything related to divorce and/or unpaid parking tickets.
Also, you’ll need to hire construction engineers to remove the beaded door curtains. That can be very expensive but, sadly, there is no other way to have them removed once they have been installed. Sadly, a large proportion of your family home will need demolishing with bulldozers (sad etc.).
As such, this may mean you can’t afford divorce pro-seedlings on top of your unpaid parking ticket fees AND your need to fund wanton destruction via bulldozer.
This means our solution for you is to give up beer. With the financial savings accrued from that, within the next 24 months you’ll be able to afford one or the other, all whilst reducing your (probable) beer belly. All the best, Fred!
