Real Estate Bastards Enterprises Ltd. is thrilled to announce a sauna to let in the beating heart of Bolton of Greater Manchester. Tenants seeking a suffocating, stifling living situation of extreme heat, but low energy bills, should look no further than this state of the art sauna to let!

The Sweatbox is close to local amenities, offering minimalism and extreme temperatures in an environment that’ll feel much like a giant wooden toaster (but in a good way, we assure you). Book today for a viewing!

The Sweatbox: For Those Seeking ADVANCED Climate Control

• £2,000 p/m
• NO PETS (except goldfish)
• BILLS NOT INCLUDED
• Central heating built in
• Close to a local bus stop
• 20 minute walk from the train station
• Cook all your food within your own home!
• Great way to lose a load of weight
• Fantastic for enthusiasts of dehydration

Extreme humidity is 100% guaranteed in The Sweatbox! This amazing property will make your jaw drop and have you ripping your clothes off to cool down before you can say:

“Wait, what, you’re ONLY charging £2k? I certainly can’t SAUNA (say no) to that!!!!”

Yes, indeed we are, or the cost forgoes the need for furniture such as a wardrobe. You won’t need one of those anymore! Unless you want all your clothes to be left reeking of body odour and utterly unwearable.

The location of The Sweatbox is within Bolton’s premier leisure centre, with additional close proximity to several old man pubs should you wish to get drunk, whine about the olden days being better, and eat a pie.

Health & Safety Guidance: Life in the “Melting Pot”

Our previous tenant Dave Johnson, who wishes to remain anonymous, described life in The Sweatbox as like like in the “melting pot”. This was his statement to us, from hospital (for unrelated dehydration reasons), upon requesting to move out of the property:

“I have sweated so much I can’t even weep tears about THE UNMATCHABLE HELL it is living in that shit heap!!!”

He was later sued for defamation. We lost, but we SHAN’T be providing him with a good reference to the next landlord. Indeed, we’ll make out he was a drug addicted lunatic with a penchant for punching holes in walls for a laugh. No one will let him rent again.

Not that you have to worry about this fate. However, once you move into the property (which is inevitable, as this place is amazeballs) you’ll need to know basic health & safety requirements that are almost mandatory, but not quite, yet worthwhile if you don’t want to die:

1. DO NOT eat cheese in the property (it melts)
2. DO NOT eat chocolate in the property (it melts)
3. DO NOT eat ice cream in the property (it melts)
4. DO NOT store champagne in the property (it tastes rank when warm)
5. DO NOT store Semtex in the property (it explodes)

Dehydration is the major concern of life in The Sweatbox, but rest assured you can drink water to slake thine thirst. This is Lancashire, after all, and with the inevitable and relentless rainfall in the region you can head outside any time you feel, tilt your head back, and you’re good.