Employment Slaw Services Enterprises Ltd. is a specialist in employment slaw. We help businesses WORLDWIDE deal with the often ravaging effects of coleslaw in working environments.

From a slipping health and safety hazard through to choking hazard and/or various other hazards (coleslaw addiction etc.), our team of experts is on hand to support your business with slaw-related needs.

Coleslaw: Beyond the Corporate Crunch

Whether you’re dealing with gross misconduct or insubordination, an underperforming team will continue to underperform unless you maintain a perfect ratio of vinegar to mayonnaise. That’s where our employment slawyers come in, with expertise on:

1. Executive vinaigrette alignment to emulsify your management team
2. Performance shredding with industrial-grade stainless steel blades
3. Red cabbage of diversity to meet your WOKE quota
4. Non-compete contracts covered in coleslaw
5. Reception area with a free bowl of coleslaw per visitor

Our CEO, Brent McAustere III, has overseen company growth from the business not existing, to him creating it, and now we help at least 30 businesses a year deal with their coleslaw-related employment slaw issues.

No, they’re not all restaurants. As Brent McAustere said:

“Employment slaw IS NOT just for restaurants. It is for every type of business. Except illegal ones. Also, circuses. We don’t help (or life, for that matter) people who work in the circus industry. WE DO NOT WORK WITH FREAKS. That includes lions and giraffes.”

Our service provides you with resolutions to workplace problems, such as outbreaks of malaria etc. We do this by putting the Cabbage into Capitalism, as we believe no one’s career is ever over. It’s just finely chopped.

Testimonials: Feedback From Our ECSTATIC Customers

“I was at my lowest ebb. Then I turned to Employment Slaw Services Enterprises Ltd. Now I’m at an even lower ebb, but at least my business has coleslaw. It’s what my employees eat EVERY DAY for lunch. Many of them now have malaria… that’s probably down to climate change, as opposed to hiring this business.” Jefferey Nastyface, CEO of a Pawn Shop

“I run a travelling circus and this VILE business refused to work with me. Now me and my employees don’t have any coleslaw! This is preposterous! Also, my lions don’t have any coleslaw. I have a giraffe called Mary who DOES NOT HAVE ANY SLAW. Mary is angry and upset. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, Employment Slaw Services Enterprises Ltd.! I’d give 0 stars out of 5 if I could, instead I award you 1.” Chuckie the Clown, CEO of Circus Entertainment Enterprises Ltd.

“After accidentally punching 17 of my staff in an unfortunate psychotic outburst, I needed employment law advice fast. Employment Slaw Services Enterprises Ltd. did not deliver, although they did deliver coleslaw. One of my employees had a broken nose and jaw. There’s an employment tribunal pending and all I have is bloody SLAW. What is the meaning of this? My business needs help, not salad dishes of shredded raw cabbage with carrots and mayonnaise. I cancelled the service, but contracted malaria soon after.” John Johnson, CEO of Corporate Bastards Enterprises Ltd.

“Signed up for employment law, got coleslaw instead, and now me and my employees have malaria. We’re confused and scared by this development. I tried to cancel the service, but then there was a bubonic plague outbreak… I have decided to close the business and move to Australia to escape this terrifying force called Employment Slaw Services Enterprises Ltd.” Anonymous