Real Estate Bastards Enterprises Ltd. is BEYOND THRILLED to announce a bus is available to rent in the metropolitan district of Rochdale, Lancashire.

The Route 42 Executive Suite is close to all local amenities and offers a bespoke, high-ceilinged, moving property that takes the route from Bolton to Bury and then into Rochdale.

The STUNNING 360° Panoramic Kinetic Views of the Bus Route 42 Executive Suite

• £1,761 per month
• BILLS NOT INCLUDED
• NO PETS
• MUST buy a ticket every day
• Season passes allowed
• Ideal for digital nomads
• Sky-high living
• Floor-to-ceiling wrap-around impact-resistant glazing

Alongside our truly superb bus stop to let, this property is for those of whom have a special hatred for the static, soul-crushing boredom of a stationary home.

The Bus Route 42 Executive Suite is a fully operational bus, driven by a burly bus driver with a big hairy arse, that ends its day of service at 11pm. From then on, it’s your humble abode of solitude and privacy (until the bus route begins from 5am).

Good news? Your driver will make a detour and drop you off at your desired stop with YOU as priority! Just so long as it’s within the driver’s operating hours.

The Upper and Lower Decks: Extreme and Unheard of Homely Luxury

Your home has two decks. Think of them as rooms on different levels of a traditional house (“floors”, as the layperson calls them). Except in your moving home they are BETTER than a stationary home.

The Upper Deck

is the master penthouse of supreme living. Sneer down at your pathetic neighbours as you tour around the neighbourhood from your perch of excellence. £1,761 per month well spent to get all snooty about your newfound position in the world.

The Lower Deck

Get a closer view at pathetic lowlife tramps and other working class scumbags, all from the comfort of your own home. It’s also an ideal location for a unique dinner party. Invite friends round, get in the beers, and leer at pathetic citizens in the street as you consume McDonald’s and other junk food.

Notes on Bus Drivers and Passengers

Please note, the tenant of this exceptional property must be comfortable with passengers boarding and alighting from the vehicle every day of the week. This is a fully functioning bus route and there are four bus drivers you’ll get used to:

• Dave
• Deirdre
• Derek
• Desmond

They’re all quite friendly (apart from Desmond, who’s a bit mentally unstable) and will largely leave you be. That is unless you pay your ticket fare. It’s mandatory for you to pay your daily ticket fare, alongside your monthly £1,761 rental fee.

To keep costs down, we recommend the season pass.

Again, regarding passengers, you’ll have to deal with all sorts from members of the public. There’ll be upstanding members of society on their way to work, drug addicts, drunks, weirdos, perverts, and feckless youths. Some may, or may not, hassle you within the confines of your home. You’ll need a thick skin to deal with them, so no tenants who are woke lefty snowflakes, please.