Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd. is positively SKIPPING in delight at our latest property on the market, available now for viewings on a random street in Bolton of Greater Manchester!
Our skip to rent is a luxurious vessel of homely bits and bobs hurled into the thing by big hairy builders. With a competitive monthly rate, no pets, no roof, and all sorts of other problems, this property is one of the BEST on the market and the landlord is one of the less (fewer?) insanely greedy SOBs out there so you’ll be ok with this one, mate.
You Can’t SKIP (!!!) the Rent Here
- £800 p/m
- BILLS NOT INCLUDED
- NO PETS
- NO SKIPPING RENT (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
- £4,000 deposit
- Fully portable property
- Stylish yellow colour
- High density steel walls
- Curb side location close to the Co-Op
- Free trash upon moving in (do whatever you want with it)
Skip the housing market entirely with this fantastic, homely, robust welded steel. One human’s trash is another human’s master bedroom in this stylish, minimalistic, compact, outdoor “flat”.
You simply can’t let this opportunity go to waste.
The good news? At Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd. we’ve bin waiting for the right tenant. After 13 viewings, not one of the braindead bastards was stupid enough to move in. Fools! Did they not know there’s almost litter-ally no paperwork before moving in!?
Please move quickly, really quickly, to get your viewing as we’re 100 million % certain about 409 people will be viewing this thing in the next few days. HURRY! HURRY HURRY!
On a final note, please be aware the skip contains traces of asbestos. Please refrain from making a heap of trouble about that, the skip will get a good wash down with soap and water before you arrive.
CLAIM YOUR COMPLETELY FREE VIEWING NOW!!!
Viewings cost £50 per viewing and, if you decide to move in (as you most certainly will do), agency fees will include, but aren’t limited to, a charge of:
- £500 to remove the property from the market
- £500 to have the contract terms generated by AI
- £300 to collect your non-existent keys
- £200 background check to ensure you’re not a drug addict
- £500 for a credit check that actually only costs £10
Please be assured this isn’t Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd. being a bunch of greedy, psychopathic wankers. We’re just ensuring the landlord gets a well off tenant for this waste of space property.
Important Legalese Bollocks
NOTE ON RENTAL TERMS: TENANT IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL UNWANTED CONTENTS LEFT IN THE SKIP DURING TENANCY. IF A MEMBER OF THE PUBLIC, FOR EXAMPLE, FLY TIPS INTO YOUR RENTAL PROPERTY, YOU WILL BE HELD LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE. ADDITIONALLY, SHOULD THE LOCAL COUNCIL CRANE OFF THE SKIP WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING, YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THIS SERVICE (UNDER THE CONTRACTUAL CLAUSE “ELEVATED PREMIUM PROPERTY RENTAL EXPERIENCE”). ADDENDUM: DO NOT SUBLET THE PROPERTY TO FOXES AND/OR TRAMPS.
