If you have nostrils that need emptying, but you’re too busy or lazy to do it yourself, then you need to hire Professional Nose Picking Support Services Ltd.
With other 50 years’ experience picking other people’s noses, we’re the experts in all things related to extracting snot and mucus out of human faces. Book your free consultation today, specialist nose picking services are only a phone call away.
Nose Picking Services: Blunt Force Objects, Tweezers, Fingers, and an Anvil
We have a 300 strong team of trained professionals ready and available to pick your nose 24/7. It doesn’t matter the time of day, month, or year. Ring out hotline and choose from a wealth of nose picking packages:
- Basic hygiene request: Book into our clinic, arrive on time, and endure as the specialist snot remover prises items from your nostrils. This is the least painful option in our payment packages.
- Genuine need of dislodgement: If your nose is badly blocked up, you’ll need to spend a weekend in our clinic where our specialists will undertake a full-body MRI scan to understand what the hell is going on, then get the mucus out of your face.
- Emergencies: In the event of a crisis, our elite team will arrive on-site via helicopter to prise bogeys from your nostrils using specialist equipment (The Jaws of Life).
Please rest assured, while our services do often result in our patients screaming in agony, you may be okay and not endure the same intense fear/panic/pain as we thrust sharp implements up your nostrils.
Premium Package: For People With More Money Than Sense
Whether you’re a delusional CEO who earns a six figure wage packet while doing barely anything, or a CEO earning a six figure wage packet for doing nothing, or a CEO earning a six figure wage packet for nothing doing, we’re here to support your snot-based needs:
- Private nostril screenings by our resident senior expert Dr. Jeff
- Expert insights from Dr. Jeff
- Expert, clinical, agonising snot removal by Dr. Jeff using his patented practices
Dr. Jeff stinks mildly of gin and tonic, which he attempts to cover up through liberal use of aftershave. He is 75 years old and has extracted 100 million bogeys (based on his exact career long measurements) over an expanse of 66 years in this most noble of services.
Customer Testimonials
“I’m a busy CEO who arrives at work at 11am in my BMW, orders people around, then goes home at 12. My life is full on, fast-paced, and I deserve to have snot removed with the clinical precision Dr. Jeff provided. He did slip once and a scalpel violently entered into the base of my cranium, but with a 10% discount as compensation, I was still delighted with the service.” CEO Henry McMcMc
“went for the cheapest option and it were like having a lobotomy. i just wanted my nose picked i DID NOT WANT my brain scraped out! 3/5” Jeff from Bolton of Greater Manchester
“I paid for the premium package because I’m planning to be a rich, lazy CEO sometime in the next 20 years or so. I went in and then… had tot deal with Dr. Jeff. He was drunk on gin, said I needed to floss my teeth more often, then asked if he could add me on Instagram. I told him I was there for nose picking services and he replied that he hadn’t cleaned dishes since his university days in 1912. I left and demanded a refund. I got a 10% refund. That’ll do.” Jane from Bolton of Greater Manchester
