As Rebecca Black so famously sung: “It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday!” And, indeed, therefore we’re covering supermarkets for our first Haiku Friday of 2026.
We all know and love supermarkets! Aldi, Asda, Tesco, M&S, Netto etc. They’re great and have loads of food in them that goes to waste and gets chucked in bins to rot. Thus, let’s get poetic about it.
Supermarket Haiku Special
∞
Getting Lost in the Supermarket
Oh my god where the Hell am I?
It feels like I might well die,
When all I wanted was to buy a big old pork pie.
∞
Consumerist Clubcard Loyalty
Clubcard in my hand,
This microwave pasta cheese meal is only £1 bargain bargain bargain,
Stuffed it down me pants and legged it from store.
∞
Finding the Reduced to Clear Section
Where in the Hell is the reduced to clear section?
This is as infuriating as a rigged election,
Or your bins not being picked up for collection.
∞
Buying From the Reduced to Clear Section
Oh my god I want cheap foodstuff goods,
Oh look there are some super reduced spuds,
Which I’ve now shoplifted with some Suds.
∞
Shopping in the Upper-Class Supermarket
Buying extra expensive goods because I worked hard enough,
No working-class scumbags in here praise God,
Sneer at pathetic cashier on way out.
∞
Shopping in the Low-Budget Supermarket
Got 300 tins of baked beans for 35p,
Gonna cook ’em all up in a load of ghee,
That’s really going to make me need to pee.
∞
Shoplifting at the Supermarket
Using free will to shoplift at the supermarket,
Stuffed 20 bags of Maltesers up me jumper,
Told the staff I’ve got leprosy.
∞
Ramming Customers With a Trolley
Stupid fellow customers get out of my way,
Otherwise I’m going to make you bloody pay,
That’ll really make my day.
∞
Using the Free Supermarket Toilets
Jesus Christ what the hell is that?
And why does it stink so bad?
I should have just gone in my shopping bag.
∞
Using the Self-Checkout Till
Using free will at the self-checkout till,
But pretty sure something’s wrong with my bill,
And the customer service assistant’s name is Phil.
∞
Item Not Scanning at the Self-Checkout Till
I’ve tried scanning this bag of peas 35 times,
I’m trying not to look totally pissed off,
Angry customers waiting are flipping me off.
∞
Being Forced to Make Small Talk With the Cashier
Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep,
“Cold for this time of year, is not it”,
Bleep-bleep-bleep-bleep-bleep.
∞
Asking an Employee for Help
“Excuse me, shopkeep, but where are the ice bags?”
Employee does not know,
Complain to the manager.
∞
Customer Blocking the Aisle With Trolley and Kids
The trolley is there and so are the screaming kids,
I wanted to get Skittles this fine day but can’t,
Starve to death.
∞
Screaming Babies in the Supermarket
Why are all these babies screaming in the supermarket?
Shouldn’t they be in baby school?
Or are they here shoplifting?
