Plastic lids are Satan spawn and Spill-the-Coffee is on a mission to ensure lids are obliterated from the face of the planet. That’s why our drive-thru coffee service demands you drive a car to meet us, burning through fossil fuels in the process, but when you buy a beverage from us… there’s no lid.
We’ve estimated this genius decision will spare the environment from 110 billion tonnes of plastic lids annually. So, come on down today and order your coffee. WARNING: Spillage of scalding hot beverage onto own person is entirely at your own risk.
Lid-Free Coffees for an Environmentally Friendly Future (Now With EXTRA Third-Degree Burns!!!)
As Spill-the-Coffee Drive-Thru, our beverage-based motto is to get at least half of the scalding contents of every coffee over our adoring customers. Whether it’s a pumpkin spiced latte, Americano, or an espresso, we’ll get most of the freshly contents all over you to leave you screaming in agony.
We’re located off the M55 motorway in Lancashire. All you need to do is drive in, order, have the boiling hot coffee hurled over you, then drive straight to hospital for specialist treatment (while enjoying your delicious beverage).
Our team is run by Bozzer and Bazza, two working-class heroes from Preston ready and waiting for low-budget coffee granules to keep prices as cheap as chips.
We do service with a smile, except for Bozzer.
Bozzer doesn’t do service with a smile. He’s a mad bastard. When you get served by him, most of the coffee will be going all over you. But, you can’t sue us! We’re operating as an unregistered business and pocketing all the cash as an illegal side-hustle away from our day jobs of being unemployable wretches.
STAMPS! STAMPS! STAMPS!
The more third-degree burns you get every visit, the more stamps you get on your Spill-the-Coffee loyalty card! Get 50 third-degree burns, get a COMPLETELY FREE coffee on the house!! Every extra reason to mosey on down and get yourself a cuppa (and some life-changing injuries).
Coffee Customer Testimonials
“Wanted to get a free coffee so queued for 5 hour to get 50 third-degree burns. Got 43 and were in agony but the BASTARDS wouldn’t give me anything (not even a muffin) for completely free! 1/5 out of 5 if I could give 0 stars I really would give 0 stars Im that angery!!!!!” Dave from Bolton of Greater Manchester
“Drove in for a nice cup of coffee. Left with third-degree burns… what sort of service is that?! Not a satisfied customer.” Doreen from Bury
“As with many of the 1/5 online reviews left by injured customers, I must also confirm the coffee is genuinely EXCELLENT. Third-degree burns or not, I shall visit time and time again to enjoy the Best Builder’s Brews in all of Lancashire!” Fred from Preston
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Nowt more earty than gettin a brew and gettin’ burnt an endin up in ospital. Bazza and Bozzer are fine salt of earth lads and one of them is married to my wife’s friend Deirdre. She’s got third-degree burns, I’ve got third-degree burns, we’ve all got third-degree burns. All thanks to Spill t’ Coffee. Eeeeeeeeeeeee.” Frank from Rochdale
