Why Nobody Understands Quantum Physics is a 2025 science book by mumbo jumbo people Frank Verstraete and Céline Broeckaert. It contains big concepts and words that, frankly, we find confusing and so we want to pretend they don’t exist via delusional outlets.
A work called Why Nobody Understands Quantum Psychics cropped up early in 2026 published by a certain Dr. Jeremy Pseudoscience III. It’s a rambling and silly thing, but we totally got absorbed in its various delusions and believe this should win the 2026 Booker Prize Award.
Why Nobody Understands Quantum Psychics
“Everything we see is the result of the impact our observation inevitably has on a measurement. In quantum psychics, the observer is by no means above, or outside the experiment: the ‘I’, with its human eyes, is an integral part of it. Now… cross my palms with silver.”
This isn’t a book for the faint of heart. Psychics want you to cross their palms with silver a lot and the term is mentioned 546 times within the first three chapters. The author, Dr. Jeremy Pseudoscience III, takes great pains to link to his PayPal account details (and also regularly reminds readers about also accepting bank transfers).
Dr. Pseudoscience III is very keen to express in this work that:
- No one understands psychics
- The toll it takes on his personal brand of genius
- Why nobody understand psychics is a massive problem
He argues it’s a problem as:
“I have been accused of ’emotional manipulation’! Can you believe it!? Some FOOLS believe what I am espousing is the exploitation of grief and wilful manipulation! I put it to you (PayPal account number printed at the bottom of this page), Dr. Pseudoscience III would never deceive anyone for it would interfere with my spiritual connection with the world around me.
As I wander lonely as a Tarot Card, the world around me communicates. For example, there is a bench at the bottom of the street where I live that is on good, friendly terms with me. We discuss many things daily and I respect its place, refusing to sit on the bench, and sometimes offering it bits of food (pies, kebabs etc.). The bench would be deeply offended to know if I was abusing my God-given transmundane skills. I have assured the bench I would never do such a thing. It is our pact; bench and I.
Do you, reader, believe I would BETRAY such a pact!? I would never destroy such a valuable relationship as that! Not never, as my previous three wives would attest!”
The book rambles like this for 500 pages, interspersed with Dr. Pseudoscience III’s personal philosophies, PayPal account details, and midway through the work there’s an “intermission” where he discusses his favourite pizza toppings (pineapple and ham).
In the following chapter, Dr. Pseudoscience III claims the words are provided by “God himself”, but the three-page chapter is full of typos, profanity, and is not at all befitting of an omnipotent super-genius being. So, we’re calling bullshit on that (but believe the rest of the work to be 100% truthful).
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As a special deal to all Professional Moron readers, buy a copy of Why Nobody Understands Psychics today and receive a COMPLETELY FREE pineapple and ham pizza! Hurry while stocks last*!!
*Legal disclaimer: Stocks consists of 137 frozen pineapple and ham pizza. Professional Moron cannot take any responsibility for the quality of the pineapple or ham pizza. Foodstuff products may contact fish, nuts, radioactive waste, cabbage, and/or cement dust.
