Everyone loves soup. There’s just something about lots of stuff mushed together and served as a sort of drink that’s really cool. But it’s not even a drink, it’s food! The more pernicious out there may say that soup isn’t a food at all – it is a devastating tsunami of horror spreading across the landscape, infecting all who consume it with a dreaded fear that without soup they could one day suffer a most terrible fate! A fate, one could say, even worse than having a date with Jedward. Or, even worse, having to spend the night at Jedward’s house! The most terrifying ordeal any human being could ever face is actually having to be Jedward’s girlfriend/boyfriend. Can you imagine the mortifying terror you would suffer each day as you woke up and see THOSE quiffs thrusting out of the sheets, coming at you like Bruce the Shark in Jaws? And this time Quint’s not even around to save the day. And why? Because he’s dead. And if a grizzled old sea dog/war veteran can’t kill a 25ft Great White Shark, what chance have any of us got against those odious little bastards?
Anyway, that’s quite enough about Jedward. The point of this post is how great soup is. Those of you (everyone) who follow The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster will know that Its Omnipotence is partial to a bit of soup. So, beholdeth, here are 10 great new soups to add to your recipe repertoire.
10 – Haggis and Tuna Soup: Fairly straight forward. Cook the haggis. Add to half a pint of boiling water. Stir. Spoon in the tuna chunks from a no frills cheap tuna brand. There you have it – Haggis and Tuna Soup!
9 – Bovril, Baked Beans and Taramasalata Soup: All this lot mixed together will make one hearty soup indeed.
8 – Cheese Soup: Get whichever cheeses spring to mind, heat them up in a pan and VOILA! Cheese Soup.
7 – Pop Tart Soup: Mash a load of Pop Tarts up, dump into a pan with a jar of jam (any flavour) with half a pint of water. Boil. Consume.
6 –Chutney and Bonjela Soup: Two winning flavours, one delicious soup!
5 – Ham and Double Cream Soup: A bit of an odd one this, even we’ll admit, but it just came into Mr. Wapojif’s brilliant mind like a bolt out of the blue! Inspired.
4 – Spinach, Houmous and Beef Pate Soup: This is a real eye opener. Guaranteed to terrify even the most dedicated foody.
3 – Taramasalata Soup: Kind of an extension of 9, but here at Professional Moron we REALLY love taramasalata. So a large amount into a pan will do, boil it up and guzzle it down your stupid, big fat faces!
2 – Pea and Spam Soup: A slight change on pea and ham. Ham has changed to Spam. Those of you aware of Mr. Wapojif’s amazing invention The Spammock will be pleased to hear you can eat this soup in your Spammock without fear of causing a catastrophic explosion.
1 – Marmite Soup: Pretty straight forward. Spoon out 4 or 5 tubs (large) of Marmite into a pan. Heat up. Serve. You can add some onions and black pepper if you want, for additional taste.