Ice cream is great and all that but there comes a time when something can simply be too great. Ice cream is one such item which is shamed by its greatness, so we’ve decided to invent an ice cream recipe which will completely ruin ice cream for everyone around the world. Hahahaha!

You may have already guessed from today’s blog title what’s going on here. Indeed, the ice cream we’ve created has a sort of fishy theme to it. Now fish and ice cream aren’t normally considered foodstuffs you’d partner together. Normally it’d be considered pretty disastrous to combine aforementioned ingredients, in fact, but then we’re not normal. We’re Professional Moron.

Sardine Ice Cream: The Ingredients

Upon deciding upon the fish best suited to what is essentially fish ice cream we, of course, considered the likes of bream, salmon, haddock, anchovy, and McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish. The sardine is a potent and glorious fish, however, and seemed ideal to alleviate ice cream of its inherent tastiness.

Now, you’ll need an ice cream making machine and a tin of sardines to make this son of gun. Infusing the two makes for one unholy hodgepodge of grossness as, let’s face it, sardines really do stink up the place. Regardless, hold your nerve and before long you’ll have the ultimate looking ice cream: a frozen block of liquid with fish scales, and the odd eyeball, poking out at you.

If you can’t be bothered getting an ice cream making machine, simply purchase some ultra-cheap vanilla ice cream from your local supermarket, melt it, add the sardines, add to a blender, blend, and then refreeze. Voilà! You’re way ahead of the game.

Should I Dine on Sardine Ice Cream?

We wouldn’t recommend it as it’s like eating frozen sardines. Ever eaten frozen fish? Exactly – no! Why don’t you eat frozen fish? As it would be bloody disgusting. This, in essence, is the inherent flaw of sardine ice cream, but it is also its saviour. If you have an ice cream addiction, switch to this stuff and you’ll never want to eat ice cream again!

As a consequence, this is a fantastic weight loss tool. We’ve already got patents on the go for varieties such as sardine chocolate, sardine beer, sardine cola, and sardine coffee. For decades, dieting fads such as the Cabbage Soup Diet, the Atkins Diet, and the Rowan Atkinson Diet ran riot in the diet industry, but the solution has been staring us in the face all along: sardines.

Truly, if you apply sardines to anything you will be able to abstain from it. Not that we’re dissing sardines as we truly like the fish, but we certainly don’t want its aftertaste lingering in products such as a nice chilled, sparkly can of Coca-Cola… unless one wants to shift a few pounds. And, at 35 stone, Mr. Wapojif surely wants to do that, which is why sardine ice cream is a dish of great beauty. Aiiiiiiiie.