Why Eating On Public Transport Makes You An Arse

Crisps (even Wasabi ones) are far, FAR too loud. Don’t eat them in public, idiots, as you look gross!

*Sccruuunnchhh mmmppphhhh mppphhhhhh crunch cRrrrUUUnnchhh mffff rustle RUSTLE RUSTLE RUSTLE SCRRRUUNNchhhh mmmppphhhh goorghhmmpphhh* This is the sound you make when you eat a packet of crisps on public transport. Now, note the word “public” in public transport. This means you should be aware of your fellow commuters and, thusly, you should be self-aware enough to realise your chomping on a reeking, noisy packet of crisps will get on other people’s nerves. Of course, in the real world, your average dolt on a bus is too self-absorbed and famished to know any better; “Me eat cwisps cos me hungwy!” is how these folk think. And if it’s not crisps it’s a full on Fish & Chips dinner (all these events happened on Mr. Wapojif’s journey home tonight), a cigarette (this is banned on public transport in England), and one other guy was busy stuffing a pasty into his stupid face.

So what was it about the 18/04/2013 that made everyone in the Reddish area of Manchester so gosh darned hungry? We have no idea. It seemed like a tedious coincidence above everything else, although the standard mobile phone conversations are a perpetual feature of contemporary public transport. Again, dear reader, please note this is how you sound on a mobile; “Yeah… no… yeah… no… three… maybe… yeah… okay then… I don’t know… where are you?… yeah… no… see you later, snuggums!” Enough to make even the most stoic of stoics want to punch the mobile user in the face. So, excuse the belligerent rant, but if the public weren’t so thick we’d have been able to come up with another cheerful post. Egads, comrades, if only we could all convert to Marxism!

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