Your average guy will inform you having to shave regularly is an utter pain. Indeed, washing in general is a perpetual nuisance brought on by the demands of polite society. Men would be happy if they never had to wash ever again. Double indeed, most would turn it into a competition to see how bad they could end up stinking. Really bad, would be the answer, and they’d all end up holding International Stink Festivals where the gathered collective of BO reeking blokes would shift localised climate change issues 200 miles to the right (why the right? As The Right don’t believe in climate change, as they’re obstinate and/or stupid).

Today’s invention will revolutionise the cosmetics industry, as well as burdening A&E departments with unnecessarily stupid injuries. Razor Soap is an ingenious invention which combines razor blades within soap! Blocks of soap will be handcrafted by expert soap makers, whilst convicted psychopaths will insert the razors afterwards for Razor Soap’s cutting edge (!!) look. For soap condensers, razor shards will be added to the soap gloop during production. The idea is to create a thyme saving product which will save thyme. Hate having to wash AND THEN shave!? Now you can combine the two! The high quality soap will refresh your skin and leave it soapily smooth, whilst the razors will shave off your beard/stubble/moustache in no thyme at all!

There have been some concerns from the Consumer Healthcare Products Association (CHPA), and other consumer rights advocates, regarding Razor Soap. It has been noted many test models simply ended up shredding their faces to bits, rather than enjoying pleasant shaves. The CHPA stated, “As opposed to being a time saving product, Razor Soap, conversely, created a protracted experience with many months of hospital treatment and plastic surgery required to restore some facial normality. This concerned us somewhat.” We dismiss these claims as unsubstantiated and recommend you purchase Razor Soap when it hits the shelves in January 2015! Retail Price: £50 a block/tub.