It’s Friday night, we’re in a stupid mood, and thusly our usual morose philosophical musings have been stuffed to one side. Yes, we’re looking at celebrity surnames today and making them daft. Why? As we’re immature! So without further ado, we proffer to you some rampant silliness!
1. Mariah Curry
The singer is famed for her staggering curry intake, as well as a five octave vocal range. It’s believed her fondness for ultra spicy vindaloo assists her high pitched warbling (as she’s always screaming in agony).
2. Matt Demon
Good Will Bunting star Matt Demon has his demonic side. Rumour has it he begins each day with a solitary push up followed by 31 boiled eggs. The goddamn lunatic!
3. Keith Ripcharts
Alright we struggled with this one, but got a copyright free image of Keith to use. Apparently, Ripcharts is a real-time satellite imagery site for Australian fishermen. Rock on, Keith!
4. Andie McBowels
“Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed.” grumbled Andie McBowels in Four Weddings and a Funeral. Yeah, probably as you’re busy subconsciously cursing your stupid surname, love.
5. Brad Armpitt
Brad Armpitt may have been blessed with good looks, but he ran out of luck when it came to his surname. The star of Se7enteen and Fisticuffs Club has, at least, had a successful career as a deodorant figurehead.
6. Angelina Jetlag
Being a top star with pouty lips and a fondness for marmalade, Angelina Jetlag also spends a lot of her time travelling via aeroplane craft. In a constant haze of jetlag, Angelina changed her surname by deed poll in 2005 in order to drum up sympathy amongst her acolytes.
Stink is famous for hits such as Roxanne, Every Breath You Take, Sue Lawley, and Don’t Stand So Close To Me. The latter was written by Stink’s bandmates in response to his abhorrent stench. This is the reason he has to stand at the front of the stage away from everyone.
8. The Artist Formerly Known As Poopy Pants
Prince never can decide on a proper name, but really messed up when he changed his surname to Poopy Pants in order to, “Add a sense of perspective to my otherwise deity-esque genius.” It backfired disastrously as his first album under the new moniker, “I Am Poopy Pants”, alienated former fans and extraterrestrials.
9. Justin Beekeeper
Although adored by approximately 70 billion screaming teenage girls, Justin Beekeeper really just wants to look after his honey bees. The singer, famous for hits such as Babybel, Down, Confidante, and Strawberry Fields, owns 70 bee farms and keeps them all in his tour bus.
10. Tom Bruise
Tom Bruise is famed for films such as Mission Possible, War Of The Girls, Mini Report, Top Fun, The Last Sushi, and Vanilla Ice Cream. He stars in a lot of action films and performs his owns stunts, consequently leaving him in a perpetually bruised state.