PM Accident Insurance – Personal Testimonials This Merry Christmas Time!

Manual labour often leads to moments such as this - boxes of stuff landing on you. Don't forget to sue!
Manual labour often leads to moments such as this – boxes of stuff landing on you. Don’t forget to sue!

Did you know 101% of all accidents take place in the workplace!? It’s Christmas and the odd bone crunching incident can occur in the blink of an eyeball, and it’s all due to snow! Just yesterday one of our staff members fell over on the stuff in the office (there’s a giant hole in the roof – plus we always leave our windows wide open) and he broke a nail. He immediately sued Professional Moron using Professional Moron’s very own Accident Insurance company, which we set up yesterday following the nail breaking fall. Oh boy, have we had a lot of business! It seems everyone’s eager to sue these days and Professional Moron champions your writes as a human bean!

What happens is this: you suffer a trip or slip at work, then you contact us and we’ll sue the pants off your employer! It worked a treat against us and now we’re going out of business, but here are personal testimonials from happy customers who have used our service within the last 24 hours:

  1. Mary Bilge, 40, Toilet cleaner: “I got my head stuck in the toilet bowl at work. This isn’t my fault for having a massive brain, so I contacted Professional Moron and they won me 35p and a free hair wash at the local barbers. Their service is adequate.”
  2. Edward Oarful, 33, Lavatory Attendant: “After accidentally getting my legs stuck in the toilet’s U bend, I rang Professional Moron. They told me they could get me £10 million compensation! Ultimately I got £10, but it’s the thought that counts!”
  3. Mandy Shed, 55, Chef: “Whilst cooking one morning I hacked off my arms by accident with a ladle. I rang Professional Moron. Their Customer Service team made me feel warm and happy, although that may have been the morphine doctors had put me on.”
  4. Gregory Clumsy, 70, Retired: “I tripped over a double decker bus and fractured my elbow. I sued the government through Professional Moron and was sent to jail. I don’t recommend them.”
  5. Jessica Geese, 18, Student: “On a night out I accidentally did something which I can’t remember. Professional Moron pleaded insanity for me and I now live in a psychiatric ward.”
  6. Ronald Trump, 40, Baker: “Whilst baking I got sucked into a machine and was baked into a 6ft loaf of wholemeal bread. I sued the company through Professional Moron. Their expertise was beyond belief. They even pleaded insanity and got me a new job as baker in a psychiatric ward!”
  7. Barbara Moose, 30, Administrator: “My boss fell on me by accident and I broke my left nostril. I called Profession Moron and they signed me up to experimental scientific services. I now have an extra limb growing from my forehead.”
  8. Bob McIntyre, 25, Footballer: “The football it me in the face and my nose went from one side to the other and now sticks out of the back of me head. I called the only company I knew who could handle my claim, but Professional Moron simply laughed. I later pleaded insanity.”

Want to sue someone this Christmas? You know the number to call: 000 000 000 000 111 000 9891

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