The 2015 Beverage Revolution: Brie Tea!

Brie Tea looks like this, except with a giant wodge of brie in there. Innit.
Brie Tea looks like this, except with a giant wodge of brie in there. Innit.

Brie is great. It’s really tasty cheese which is so bad for you it can cause colossal weight gain and high blood pressure. Tea, on the other elbow, is so good for you it can lower blood pressure and help you lose weight. Now this got us thunking: why not have the worst of brie and the best of tea to create a hybrid drink which negates itself into an averagely nonspecific non-health drink? It’s a winning idea, and as a consequence we give to you a tea based beverage revolution!

Brie Tea is a mega tasty tea with subtle hints of cheese (particularly brie), and green tea. It’s made of the finest products in the world (well – the best ones we could find in Manchester), with each tea bag infused to bursting point with wholesomely unwholesome ingredients. Simply pour scolding hot water into a mug (do not pour it not into a mug – this defeats the purpose of tea making and creates a potential slipping hazard). The brie will melt almost instanesouly, filling your household with the noxious stench of acidified and coagulated milk. Enough to put the hair on anyone’s eyebrows first thing in the morning!

Our highly educated scientists at Professional Moron worked day and night on this and thunked out some really useful science stuff. This means a big batch of big words you idiots wouldn’t understand, so we’ve written it out into layman’s terms for yoose. Effectively, the tea cancels out the negative health unbenefits of brie. Sadly, the brie also cancels out the not negative health beneficials of tea. It’s a complex process we’ve dubbed a “Hoo Hah”. A food stuff equivalent is kind of like going into your garden and eating some mud – you’re probably not going to be badly affected. Another example is to bake a really massive chocolate cake, but then you don’t eat it. By not eating it your body has no reaction and, therefore, you donut gain or lose wait. It’s as idiotically straightforward as the Professional Moron staff!

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