Damn and blast it, Happy New Year everyone! It’s 2015 and now not 2014. Want to go back to 2014? Tough! It’s forever lost to you; as inaccessible as Genghis Khan’s big bushy beard 1,000+ years ago, even though 2014 was only this time yesterday.
You know what we learned in 2014? As the Professional Moron staff has aged we’ve come to realise the importance of clothes washing. It’s turning into something of an art form and infatuation with us. The washing bit is easy enough (thanks to washing machines) – the really important bit is the drying (we’re surprised great essays haven’t been written about this by the likes of Einstein, Spinoza, or Burt Bacharach). The art of drying the washing is thousands of years old, and only if you own a tumble dryer is it easy. Most of us are at the mercy of the weather, and living in England this means sporadic, panic stricken rushes to dry the washing between bouts of rain, thunder, and inebriated football hooligans. ‘Tis a tough life, ‘tis.
Idiotic philosophical washing mutterings aside, what we want to know is will this year be greater than the last? Numerically yes as 2015 is 1 more than 2014. This is good as you wouldn’t want 2,014 jam sandwiches when you could have 2,015. Would you? You’d want one more. This isn’t always the case, we guess. You wouldn’t want to be stung 2,015 times by an angry swarm of wasps when you could have one less sting. Even Sting would agree. However, like most people, Sting would prefer 2,015 clothes pegs as opposed to one less. That one extra peg could make or break his week’s washing – those leather pants won’t dry themselves, man! So here’s to 2015 – the year in which we’re going to do a lot of washing (and drying)!