It’s summer! OMG! Holy cow! Ruddy ‘eck! The best thing about summer is getting to stuff one’s face with ice cream or ice lollies. “It’s keeping one cool!” one argues. Balderdash. Nonsense. Garbage! In fact, studies by Communists show eating ice cream actually increases the body temperature by 40 degrees Celsius! Ship.

Regardless, it’s a tradition to consume the stuff when the temperature reaches such a height one’s hair melts. Plus, you get to do the whole panicky shrieking once a wasp homes into view! Haha, man, summer really is the best! *Burp* Oops, excuse us.

Mushroom Ice Cream

We’re a bit bored of ice cream flavours, though. Our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, is 30 now. That’s 30 years of eating nothing but ice cream flavours such as: chocolate, vanilla, marmite, mint, mint and chocolate, banana, and semtex. How prehistorically dull! Not wishing to sound spoilt (or spoiled) but, dammit, we demand something better!

It’s time to spruce it all up a notch! Away with these tedious flavours and their timeless deliciousness, we demand a new flavour. Thusly, we’ve invented one: mushroom! Normally you’d expect this to adorn cakes, cereal bars, coffee, soup, and perhaps the odd meringue. But now we’re doing the impossible by turning them into an ice cream!

As flavours go, now we’ve taste tested it, we can confirm it tastes like ordinary ice cream. Except with mushroom flavour. There are two varieties: with bits and without bits. You know, like with orange juice. We love mushrooms, so we want big healthy chunks of the stuff in there.

We’ve called it MushCream and invented the tagline, “Mushroom for vegetable flavoured ice cream?!”! Genius, we know. Sheer-bloody-genius. It’ll be £50 ($80) a tub. What? Unusually pricey? What can we say, we use organic mushrooms. Git wid da thyme, blud.