Is The Cauliflower a Flower or a Vegetable, Already?!?

Cauliflower
Is it a vegetable? Is it a flower? Would Superman go any-bloody-where near one? We donut know!

Cauliflower’s one of those vegetables you don’t really think about very much. You can buy one, put it in your larder, forget about it, and return a decade later and it’d be there… stagnating. Whilst it’d be covered in mould and all gross, like, it wouldn’t complain about its situation. No, it’d be all stoic and apologetic, “Dear boy, did you forget about me? Poor you, I am a forgettable wretch, I must admit!” This is the cauliflower.

Questions persist about its origins, though. Is it really a flower? We have to say it really doesn’t look as aesthetically pleasing as a daffodil or a rose. As Shakespeare once opined, “A rose by any other name would smell like sweat” (we think that’s the verbatim quote), but with cauliflower if it had another name then there wouldn’t be this confusion. Plus, it wouldn’t smell of sweat.

So Shakespeare was full of crap, that much is now clear, but we can ignore the bard and his not adroit observations by turning to blog headline: is the cauliflower a flower? We think we’d have to plead insanity on this one if we thought it was. It’s clearly a vegetable.

Why clearly? Well flowers we tend to think of as pretty things which glow with effervescence, promote funny smells one would consider fresh, and demand bumble bees pollinating stuff. Conversely a cauliflower kind of looks like a blob fish which has stayed out in the sun too long and dried out. Behold!

Blob fish

We’d also like to point out the taste of the cauliflower – a more obvious vegetable it could not be! It’s kind of like eating a potato which has been mashed up with broccoli. In fact, the cauliflower is clearly the deformed twin of broccoli. When it was younger it once the angst ridden teenager who dyed itself white and started listening to heavy metal music.

As the years progressed cauliflower got a job being stacked in shelves at the supermarket, and is now the forgotten vegetable in a world where ace stuff like carrots, potatoes, spinach, kale, and onions exist. Heck, the cauliflower does its best but when there are casseroles to be made, it comes off second best. Woebegone. Woe-be-bloody-gone!

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