We all love houmous here at Professional Moron. We eat it with everything! We’re so depraved we’ll even add a dollop to our English breakfast tea! Madness, right? Yeah! Anyway, what really is madness is how supermarket houmous pots are these dinky little things which barely have any bloody houmous in them.
The situation is desperate. The UN has set up a committee meeting for the following food dip fiasco: “Unfair proportional distribution of chickpea based spreads in unspecified, due to legal reasons, nations across the United Nations. Which is us – the UN. That’s what the U and N stand for. Innit, yo yo!” By “unspecified” they mean England. Proportional distribution of houmous here is quite outrageous – one large splodge in one small tub. We are disgusted and angered at this mediocre attempt to assuage our houmous cravings!
This is why we’ve stepped bravely in with our latest exclusive recipe: Houmongous! It’s not so much a “new” recipe, to be honest. It’s more, kind of, an ancient one with a gimmicky twist. Cripes, we like to be honest here and we’ve totally plagiarised the houmous recipe… but with a massive new ingredient!
“What is this secret ingredient!?!”, you squeal! Well, idiots, the secret ingredient is…
(hence the name Houmongous)
Yes, we’ve taken those ikkle supermarket houmous tubs and Jumped The Shark. It’s Fonzie from Happy Days, ladies and gentlemen, but in chickpea spread form. Indeed, Professional Moron’s houmous tubs are 10ft by 9ft and require a forklift truck to move them around!
The cost? £40 ($71) a tub. Bargain! However, some of you may be concerned about appropriate refrigeration of such a gargantuan tub of Houmongous. We can’t allay your fears, to be honest, you’ll just have to leave the stuff out in the sun. But so what? Who gives a damn when you’ve got so-much-bloody-houmous!?! We sure as cripes don’t!
Drop us a message today for a trial pot of our grossly oversized food dip spread! You’ll only regret it when you see the crane arriving with your order!