Why The World Needs To Remember The Pencil Shrapnel!

Pencil Sharpener
Shrapnel alert!

Pencil shrapnels, as pictured, are a forgotten tool in the modern world. Most people write stuff these days by punching their stupid big fingers into keyboards, or smartphone screens, whilst pencils have been left to rot along with their best mates – sharpnels. It’s a bloody disgrace!

Indeed, the remarkable thing about the pencil shrapnel is they used to be ubiquitous with office settings, schools, and probably even prisons. Truly, the rise of technology has led to the downfall of the little block of wood with a razor blade in it. Innit.

The Pencil Shrapnel

Whoever created the thing must have been a psychotic genius. Their reasoning must have been thus: “My pencil is blunt, and hacking at it with a meat cleaver from the kitchen could incur severe injury.

As a consequence, I shall insert a razor blade into a tiny block of wood and, further still, create an orifice in the aforementioned wooden block. This shall slake one’s need for an appropriately pointed pencil. I shall name this device the pencil shrapnel, which was my blessed mother’s name!”

This isn’t the reasoning of a rational mind, but then to be super creative you have to be a bit demented. Other great inventors, such as Tiger Woods and Martina Hingis, have proven this, and even Professional Moron’s insane inventions could prove something of a hit if we could con some senile investors to fund our destructive creations.

Anyway, back to the matter at foot. Pencil shrapnels should be forced back into society post haste. Forcibly, if need be, along with their pencil counterparts. Who reading this can forget sitting in class at school whilst bored, staring down at one’s marginally blunt pencil, and stuffing it into the pencil shrapnel in order to get it dangerously sharp? You can’t buy memories like that!

Indeed, what have kids got these days? iPads, iPhones, Apple Mac computers, Apple Watches – you can’t shrapnel them, sir! Bung one of those into a pencil shrapnel and it’d explode, shredding your hands from your limbs and leaving you with a sizeable bill to replace one of the aforementioned devices. Is that what you want? Of course not! So buy a pencil, and shrapnel it up like nature intended.

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