Gone with the Wind: “You should be kissed” Quote Off Extravaganza!

Gone with the Wind poster
Cheers to the BFI for this well ace imposter. Er, poster.

We did alternate takes of “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” a few months back. Now it’s time to get windy again as we return to Gone with the Wind and a world of romantic asides, Hipster moustaches, not giving a damn, and waxing lyrical about how attractive women should be embraced before, ultimately, not giving a damn. Dammit, Clark Gable was such a typical male SOB!

Rumour has it Gable demanded 50 takes of the “You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how” scene, simply because he was such a raging misogynist. Rumour also has it, actress Vivien Leigh had to punch Gable in the face to get him off her, but his obstinately robust moustache merely rebounded her fist back into her face, leaving him to jeer, “Why are you hitting yourself, stupid?”

Anyway, the 50 takes let Gable ad lib like crazy on the famous romantic film quote, and here are some of the finest, forgotten takes which would have transformed the film!

You shouldn’t be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how to evade tramps like you.

You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how

Okay so this isn’t very romantic, but then not all films are. You know? The sentence doesn’t even stand up coherently after scrutiny, but at least you get the gist.

You should be punched, and often, and by someone really bloody angry and strong.

Vomit

Wow, that’s a nasty comment! So what? Apparently, before each scene, Clark Gable would ask what his motivation was for the scene. The response? “You don’t give a damn about anything, remember?!?”

You should be hissed at, by snakes, really poisonous, scary, and nasty ones.

You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how

Need any more proof that snakes are the work of Satan? We’re pretty sure we don’t!

You should be missed, and often, by snipers who aren’t especially the best shot.

Vomit

Okay, so this is much more romantic! So sniper rifles didn’t exist during this film’s setting, but who isn’t to say Gable was a man set back in time from the future?

You should be pi**ed, and often, and with someone who knows how.

You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how

Gable stepped up the crudeness of his character with this one, provoking much on set hilarity. Rumour has it, Leigh fainted after after hearing the expletive, whilst her stunt double rushed into the scene to punch Gable in the face. Sadly, his robust moustache (you know the story)…

You should be frisked, and often, and by someone who knows how to steal your purse undetected.

Vomit

Petty theft has been commonplace throughout human history. It is a part of every romantic tale. Just look at the Tortoise and the Hare! Perhaps not the best example…

You should be dismissed, and often, and by someone as power crazy as I am.

You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how

No one likes an egomaniac, but sometimes in life you just have to let rip with the authority. Innit.

You should be osculated, and often, and by someone bizarrely intelligent enough to know what that means.

Vomit

Many of you will need to look up that word. Wordsmith Clark Gable didn’t need to. He reeled it off out of his brain in the hopes Vivien Leigh would swoon and faint into his arms. Cad!

You should be called Chris, and often, by someone who thinks that’s your name.

You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how

Getting someone’s name wrong is always embarrassing. It’s said you either remember names or faces. Clark Gable could remember neither, primarily as he was more interested in memorising his latest script.

You should use a lisp, and often, and in an insulting way to actual sufferers.

Vomit

Never mock anyone with a lisp as this is immature. Unless you’re Clark Gable. This was an outtake, and he was chastised by George Formby for his behaviour during this take.

You should watch The Abyss, and often, as it’s one of James Cameron’s best films. Seriously, Michael Biehn is great in it.

You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how

It is, you know. Apparently, Cameron pushed the Oscars to nominate Biehn for a Best Supporting Actor role and was ignored. There is no justice!

You should reminisce, and often, and with a wild desire to abscond your daily responsibilities.

Vomit

Escaping off into fantasy worlds is what many people in the olden days did. Or, you know, they’d “socialise” and “enjoy each other’s company”… what a sad, pathetic time it must have been!

You should choose Swiss, and often, and with someone who also enjoys their cheese.

You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how

Cheese was popular on sets in the past as many stars, mistakenly, believed it would make their performances more vivid. Why? The general cheesy stink would garner better reactions from costars. In subsequent decades, actors discovered Class A narcotics were more effective.

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