The UK’s got a reputation as a rainy country. We kind of live up to this, especially in Professional Moron’s native Manchester. Summer, in most nations, is a time to frolic in fields with Mother Nature; dodging infuriated wasps, fleeing from stampeding herds of cattle, and wolfing down ice creams as children scream and shout at a tinnitus-inducing volume – that’s what summer is all about!

Except in Manchester. Up North (or “oop norf” as the locals say), there are eight months of torrential rain and cold, and 4 months during which the sun might get a look in. Indeed, 2015 was no exception. “Summer” in Manchester consisted of a lot of wind, a great deal of rain, a roadwork crisis, and a 40ft sinkhole on one of the city’s major intersections.

Urgh… will you Brits ever stop complaining!?

We’re not complaining – we love it this way! We can’t really hack the heat*, being Brits and what not. The odd thing is, as Mr. Wapojif sits here writing this, outside today it is a bright sunny day and warm – it’s the 10th of bloody November and we’re sporting 16°C heat! Check us out, man. 

Of course after today you can schedule in “Rain Central” for Manchester’s calendar. Behold!

Flood alert issued for thousands of homes in Greater Manchester https://t.co/oMc3QObNUS pic.twitter.com/ZS4geg9ZFe

— Manchester News MEN (@MENnewsdesk) November 9, 2015

This is to be expected. But it can be sunny in Manchester and, heck, Manchester’s brilliant. Visit whenever you can! If you don’t like the rain, however, perhaps bring a large umbrella. For your edification, this is a British summer oop norf in all its glory.

July

Persistent rain, followed by colossal thunderstorms. Mr. Wapojif abandoned ship and fled  to France for four days with his dear friend Hadrian’s Wall (not his real name) and some other dudes. At this point Mr. Wapojif ended up doing an 18 hole golf course, for some reason, and got sunburned. Yikes!

In England we did briefly enjoy a 30°C heatwave but, frankly, we didn’t enjoy it at all. We were too busy complaining and languishing in a pool laziness. Luckily, the rain returned pretty quickly to soothe our anguish.

August

Persistent rain, followed by a colossal thunderstorm which opened up the series of colossal sinkholes, one of which is the now legendary 40fter (which soon became something of a local celebrity – check the link above!) and will likely take a full year to fix. The city was also blighted by over two dozen separate roadworks across the city centre, meaning getting anywhere (other than by foot) was virtually impossible.

Luckily, this was all made much easier by the relentless thunderstorms and rain, which boosted British spirits by creating a cacophony of complaining from the masses.

Conclusion

Yes, that’s it. Two months where it might be warmWe believe you can take two conclusions away from this. 1: It rains a lot in England. 2: English roadworks are many and plentiful.

So if this is your type of thing, hasten on over and give us all a cheery visit! You’re not allowed up to the Professional Moron office, but you can stare from a distance and wonder in awe. That’ll be £50 for the honour.

*Indeed, Mr. Wapojif once got so warm he had to take his trousers off around midday (this being a weekend) and paraded about in shorts. Being British, his sense of reserve and gentlemanliness has never been so offended.