Hail, Caesar! Would that it were so simple

We’ve not even seen Hail, Caesar! yet but we’re already in love with what will surely become an iconic cinema scene.

Ralph Fiennes (pronounced Ralf Finds) and new star Alden Ehrenreich (probably pronounced All-done Errand-rich) aren’t central characters in the Coen brothers’ latest film, but they’ve dominated the press with this highly amusing scene.

As we’ve gathered from the plot, Fiennes’ character is directing a dashing, prim, and proper period piece.

He’s somehow been landed with Ehrenreich’s well meaning, but pretty dreadful, who is more attuned to showboating Westerns.

In the scene, they debate the living daylights out of the term, “Would that it were so simple” which, of course, you’re no doubt now trying to replicate.

Would that it were so simple

Hail, Caesar is the Coen brother’s latest film and it stars the likes of George Clooney, Josh Brolin, Tilda Swinton, but no John Malkovich in this one (we’re referring back to Burn After Reading here).

We took a look at the brilliant and disturbing Fargo last week and that film spawned the catchphrase “Yah!” and “kinda funny lookin'” – which is nice.

Anyway, it’s exactly what we love in life: pointless bickering and pedantry about relatively innocuous and irrelevant things.

Cripes, it’s what this whole website has been based upon for the past four bloody years! For this we dip out hats towards the Coen brothers for fuelling today’s post so we didn’t have to think of anything for once.

Now there’s just the 290 days to cover for the rest of 2016 – should be easy. Would that it were so simple.

But what does it mean?

What does what mean? Oh, “would that it were so simple!” Well, dears, it’s a saying.

It’s not currently known what it means, but there have been a number of recent postulations in an attempt to solve the matter. These are:

  • It’s anachronistic jargon which is incomprehensible for contemporary folk.
  • William Shakespeare took the secret of its meaning to his grave.
  • It’s conversational filler you, and us, should be using more often.
  • It’s the ideal saying for anyone who’s ever had to try and itch their back, only to find their stupid arms and hands can’t reach.

Whatever, we guess this post is primarily propaganda to get you to go and see a proper film for once. Transformers?! Fools! Go and see Haill, Caesar! We certainly are. On the 26th March, to be precise. Join us!


  1. Great movie. I came across this (three year-old) post by googling the phrase “would that it were so simple” after watching Hail Caesar! over the weekend. One correction: I’m pretty sure Ralph Fiennes’s first name rhymes with “strafe.”

    “Would that it were so simple”


    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello! Yes, there are many posts on this here Professional Moron. I’ll revisit this post and make a few amends. As I did enjoy the movie a lot and have been thinking about “Would that it were so simple” recently.


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