It’s spring and we’re in a springy mood and we’re going to spread this infectious good cheer like the raging misanthropes we well and truly are. Heck, sometimes an enthusiastic cheer becomes us and we’re forced to rant like crazed hippies about how fantastic daffodils are and such.
Well, why not? Because it goes without saying we’re all going to be starting at a lot more flowers for the next 5 months until autumn arrives and brings with it subzero temperatures. Anyway, until it does return we’re stuck with flower power, so here are five super awesome flowers to keep a lookout for. Aiiiiiiiiiiie.
The 5 Best Flowers of Spring
It’s not a flower but it sure looks like one after you’ve been inhaling nothing but fresh Manchester city centre air. All those fossil fuels sure do a number on one’s brain, eh? This is why Mr. Wapojif recently purchased a batch of broccoli to hand to his friend, Mr. Mapojif (he makes maps), at his wedding. It didn’t go down well with the Mapojif clan.
2. Brown Flour
Much better than white flour as it’s more nutritious and, let’s face it, much tastier. Eating white bread is like scraping your nails down a mongoose: shrill, horrifying, and guaranteed to lose you a limb. Turn to brown (better known as wholemeal) for the answer to life’s perplexing mysteries.
3. Christian Bale
He isn’t a flower, but there’s something about spring which makes us think of Christian Bale, the man behind the voice of Batman. He has other claims to fame as well, such as having a surname which reminds one of a hay bale. Hay, of course, makes a lot of people sneeze during the spring and summer, so please feel free to sue Christian Bale for this insult to you ability to go about your duties without a runny nose.
Probably not a flower, but one can at least gather a great big batch of the stuff together to form a bouquet. Indeed, why not impress your significant other this romantic Easter weekend by handing over to them a bouquet of spinach? Perhaps because you’d receive a retort such as, “What’s this, you cretinous freak of nature!?*” Charming!
A banal choice but as the old saying goes: “It’s better to be banal than a canal.” This is mightily true, as if you were a canal you wouldn’t be a sentient being. Daffodils probably aren’t sentient beings, although they do get on rather well with bees. Indeed, they share half of the same colour. However, daffodils are renowned for a perverse Machiavellian streak so only purchase some if you’re one evil SOB.