Evolutionary Theory: Is the Seahorse Really a Horse?

Horse fish
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a fish? Is it a long upholstered seat for more than one person?

The seahorse is an interesting fish species because it is part fish and, also, part horse. It’s an unusual combination, such as a great white shark and a hamster. What a weird animal that would be! You’d scream in terror and yet coo at part of its adorability factor. All we need is some crazed scientist to try it out…

Anyway, the seahorse has 54 species in the genus hippocampus. This is confusing as the hippocampus is the section of the brain which deals with emotions and memories. Also, hippos. Hippos are those massively obese animals which are slightly less terrifying than great white sharks but, nevertheless, command fear and disgust in equal measure. Why disgust? Look at the stupid fat things! Oh well, at least seahorses are elegant. But are they really horses?

The Seahorse: Fish or Horse?

Horses aren’t particularly elegant creatures. They’re prone to panicking, leave horse manure everywhere, and lash out with their great big hooves if you go anywhere near them. Nevertheless, humanity has a long and violent history with the horse. For eons (not to be confused with people called Ian) they transported our stuff, and us, about the place. Nice of them, huh?

Gradually the motor vehicle evolved and ruined the need for horses, which is why horses these days are used purely by the British Royal family to psychotically murder (as opposed to less psychotic forms of murder, such as apathetic murder) innocent foxes and stuff. Indeed, the horse has a tragic and long history.

This is why some horse species abandoned their duties on land to take to the ocean. Indeed, it is a known fact seahorses are particularly seditious horses who fled their daily duties in favour of a life out in the sea being filmed by David Attenborough’s wildlife crew for the BBC. Quite a pleasant existence, non?

Hang on, this sounds like nonsense to me…

Dismiss us at your peril! Whilst many of our theories are only grounded in irrational rationalising, we do have the good grace to admit we’re braindead halfwits. Look at the title of us – Professional Moron! Exactly. We’re stupid, and it is this very stupidity which opens up a creative and intellectually redundant doorway through which we tread muddy footprints.

Thusly, we have unearthed the reality some horses through off their shackles (hooves) to return to the oceans as mini, strange little fish which kind of look like flowers and, sometimes, the horses they once were. Strange that, isn’t it, although we’re now rather keen on cloning a great white shark with a hamster to see what new species we can create. Mwahahahahahaaaa!

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