In Praise of Raw Coconut Oil and its Many Uses (Cooking)

Biona organic coconut oil
Zomg… it’s coconut oil!

We’re too lazy to write anything proper today, so we’re going to heap praise on Hipster foodstuff and diet fiends’ friend coconut virgin oil (raw). We got our coconut oil from awesome organic foodstuff company Biona. It cost just over £4, so it’s quite the investment considering a litre of sunflower oil costs 10p.

The coconut is the world’s hairiest fruit. It’s so hairy, it’s been observed even some baboons have stopped to stare in disbelief at the hairiness of the coconut. Of course, if you try and eat coconut shell you will die and horrible, agonising, lingering death, but inside the shell there’s this coconut flesh stuff which is mighty tasty and, what ho, super good for one!

Biona’s Organic (Raw) Coconut Oil

Organic coconut oil has been invented so people can cook things. This is the obvious statement of the day. You dollop some of the stuff (which resembles soap, if we’re honest about it, but tasty soap – admit it, we’ve all wanted to eat soap at one stage or another) in a pan, heat it, and it begins crackling with great vigour.

Into your cauldron you add your foodstuffs and, with much delight, you shall find you invigorate your food with a coconut based twist. What could be better than that? Why, only beans on bread (apologies for the self-promotion propaganda – we’re not here to sing Biona’s praises solely, you know?) which is a mighty fine dish.

According to Biona, the coconut oil is “cold pressed” which, we’re guessing is a type of being hard-pressed to achieve something, but in a cooler climate. Weirdly, Biona go on to suggest it can be used externally on one’s skin and hair. WTF? No we bloody well will not! There’s only only place for coconut oil, and it’s our stomachs, Biona! Damn the impudence!

A Half Life of a Thousand Years!

Rumour has it that coconut oil has a half-life of a thousand years. We heard this on the vegan grapevine, but we’re not sure if it’s true. As coconuts are seemingly indestructible when in their shell, we can only assume they continue to be so out of it.

Thusly, coconut oil is the oil which will fuel humanity’s cooking needs from this era into the next. We marvel at its versatility and tenacity and bow down before it like the imbeciles we well and truly are. Laugh all you want – we’re the ones being healthy.

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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