This is a confusing saying, as what do ABBA have to do with anything? Admittedly, the Swedish pop group’s catchy tunes are uplifting and all that, but at no stage have we found ourselves staring long and hard into the souls of its four members. We’ve never even bloody met them!
We can only presume this vacuous saying was dreamt up by sycophantic ABBA superfans who had met the group during its ’70s heyday and have since decided to spread lies and propaganda about its collective transmundane abilities. S.O.S? You’d better bloody believe it! Let’s find out some more.
Gazing Into ABBA
Even if you get one of the band’s CDs and just sit there staring at it (as we did for 20 long minutes) there’s very little engagement you get going. At one point this fly landed on the cover and it almost merged with Benny Andersson’s beard, but we wouldn’t say this was any form of telepathic interaction on his part. Probably not, anyway.
As sayings go, this one is highly erroneous and simply seems to be built on a longstanding myth which was perpetrated by imbeciles lost in some sort of fervent desire to make ABBA deities. This is misinformation, we believe.
We got to thinking – are there any other bands we could stare long and hard at? We went out into the streets of Manchester to find a vinyl store and we stood staring at that Michael Jackson Thriller front cover where Jackson is lying down putting on his best doe-eyed expression.
After a few minutes, this made us start to feel a bit ill, but this is arguably because a large bus had pulled up next to us and the exhaust was belching petrol fumes into our stupid faces. After several minutes of this, even the hallucinations we endured couldn’t initiate any form of connection with the King of Fizzy Pop. This is a shame.
We’ve expended all of our theories regarding this matter, but we also considered if there were other things we could gaze into in order to alleviate our conundrum. Heading back into Manchester, we began staring at women up until the point we were accused of the male gaze.
Apologising, we went and found less angry people. A slobbering Rottweiler was outside our local Morrisons and didn’t offer much recourse, nor did the possibly drunken (but certainly belligerent) tramp, and neither did any of the commuters on our tram journey home. One guy said, “What the **** are you lookin’ at, mate?” to Mr. Wapojif. Sounds like love at first sight, to us.
Ultimately, we think the moral of the story here is just don’t bother staring at people. This includes ABBA, so do away with this saying and take up more intellectually stimulating pursuits such as pedantically examining ABBA’s lyrics for utilitarian meaning: “You can dance, you can jive”, “The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S”, and “Look at me now, will I ever learn?”. Evidently not as we’ve done all this bloody gazing and with no results, ABBA!