Exclusive Invention: The Utterly Bonkers BOOMerang!

The BOOMerang
Super indeed.

Boomerangs are unusual things in that when you throw them they come back to you. However, as Queenie points out in Blackadder II: “When I throw something away, I don’t want it to come back!”. Indeed, we must state we heartily concur with the psychotically infantile woman, which means the boomerang is, surely, the most redundant invention in human history.

This is why we’ve invented the BOOMerang, with a major emphasis on the “boom” element of this invention. Yes, regular readers of us will know this means death and destruction isn’t too far around the corner! Thankfully, though, we’ve stuck an 18+ rating on this thing to ensure no kiddie winkles singe their eyebrows.

The BOOMerang

The point of Professional Moron is to hunt down original ideas and expound upon them for the good of humanity. Some of our critics have suggested this is a lie and we merely have a diabolical, fatuous streak a mile wide which is hellbent on causing mass anguish due to incompetent, irrationally conceived inventions.

Well… there’s nothing “bonkers” about this harbinger of doom (we really had to experiment with wording today on that headline to make it fit properly)! It’s merely a means of throwing something away and watching it explode violently ahead of you – suitable for all ages? You bet, doofus!

Consumer watch organisations have stipulated we must adhere to that 18+ rating, though, so we’ve spiced things up on the product’s packaging. It’ll feature a bunch of adults smiling inanely like they’re fresh off a shampoo advert, with one of them lying decapitated on the floor following an errant catastrophic explosion. That’ll keep the youngsters away!

This is Insane!

Is this a sensible or user-friendly toy? No, it’s staggeringly dangerous and serves no purpose in the slightest. However, picture the scene: you’ve bought your BOOMerang, you’re standing in an area free from other humans (this is an important factor to consider), and you’re ready to throw your product. You’re so excited you begin to laugh hysterically, with bubbles of froth and spit flying all over the place from your gawping mouth.

You sprint forward, hurl the object with all your might, and watch as it flies 10ft forward before detonating with the force of an extremely minor nuclear explosion. Isn’t that satisfying? Better yet, this object doesn’t come back to you (unless you count the debris which will be catapulted back into your stupid face – perhaps wear goggles).

Each BOOMerang only costs £100 ($150) and you’ll have to sign a legal waiver each time you throw it. It’s packing some state of the art aerodynamics, too, which ensures the thing will veer wildly away from you into the air, ensuring your absolute safety at all times (until it explodes – it’s kind of in the lap of the explosion gods at this point). Enjoy!

2 comments

  1. Boy, was I off the mark when I read the title! When I saw BOOMerang, I thought someone had finally invented an exploding Lemon Meringue pie…. or possibly small tarts. Oh well, live and learn!

    Like

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s