Can you believe it? We’ve been doing this dumb thing for half a decade now! Yes, over the course of 1,250+ posts (including this one) we’ve, basically, rambled like halfwits in the name of absurdity, surreal humour, and silliness. It’s quite the accomplishment – we owe our long-term survival to our lawyers, who ensured our editor, Mr. Wapojif, remained out of jail long enough to keep writing garbage.
It’s not actually today, it’s Saturday which marks our 5th anniversary but, you know, we’ve been busy this week so moved this half written post way forward to treat you all like muppets! Rest assured, we’re sticking a special short story on this weekend for our loyal morons to read over and snort at disgust at. Huzzah!
Professional Moron’s Accomplishments
Here is a brief summary of everything we’ve achieved over half a decade. We think you’ll agree, there are some splendid achievements in there:
- Not being shut down
There are other such “achievements” we feel we shouldn’t mention. Our inventions spring to mind, which have caused much misery and destruction. Most of them were met with “Banned in pre-production” status, which was disappointing. The ones which did briefly make it to the shelves, such as our catastrophic CushIron, caused carnage! Third-degree burns, agony, and no jollification in the slightest.
Our 5 Year Strategy
Ah, that stupid interview question: “Where do you see yourself in five years time?” For the staff of Professional Moron, at least one of us will be stone dead due to chronic exhaustion, whilst the rest will be still on the poverty line and taking daily beatings from the capricious Mr. Wapojif and his baton made from celery (also known simply as “celery”). What a SOB that man is.
Whilst Mr. Wapojif will plunge into senility and outbursts of unwarranted aggression as he heads deeper into his 30s, Professional Moron will likely go from dismal failure to another. We have a cautious five year strategy ahead of us – try to be less moronic. This may go against our mission statement, but so what? That’s wat we’re all about.
As a gift to our readers, there will be a bumper pack of, like, two posts this weekend. The aforementioned big old story, a book review, and a personalised insult from our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, upon request! All we ask from our readers is to shut up and read – do so quietly and with humility for, indeed, we don’t accept selfies here. Here’s to another 5 whatevers…