“You never flail until you stop trying” is a popular quote which, apparently, physics dingbat Albert Einstein used to qualify his relative time expenditure on specific scientific endeavours. We’re not saying he was dumb, it’s just we are because it doesn’t make any sense. Einstein is synonymous with genius, of course, but then bread is synonymous with butter – it doesn’t mean it’s good in any way.

Regardless, Einstein often had duplicitous, deceptive ways of communicating, such as when he said the world wasn’t flat (when it is in quite a lot of places – just walk down a road, you know). Thusly, we can take his concept of the “flail” as a metaphor for existence, or something. Or, maybe, he was just on about one of those terrifying weapons from Medieval times. Do you have one of those around at all? Nor do we. Einstein was dumb.

You Never Flail Until You Stop Trying

Now Einstein in all his *ahem* “wisdom” was probably a bit wasted when he conjured up this aphorism. Frankly, it’s more innuendo than anything else – a figure of speech created by a man having an intellectual crisis. The general theory of relativity? The general theory of stupidity more like (we’re proud of that one)!

Anyway, the thing about stopping trying is, once you’ve done this, you don’t have to give a toss about whatever it was anymore. So not matter what you were doing, be it trying to pick your nose, climbing Mount Everest, or pursuing your hunk of the month, giving it all up isn’t a tragedy. It just means it’s something you’ve missed out on… but so what?

Here are some other things you’ll never achieve in your life: punching Brad Pitt in the face, stealing the Queen and taking her to Jupiter (the planet), removing your right foot and grafting it to your skull, running a restaurant which serves only human puke, and growing eyebrows on your nose.

Now, you don’t need a flail to achieve any of those things. Indolence is the key here – all you have to do is sit about the place and you’re a fantastic none achiever right there. This is fine. We can’t all be as dumb as Einstein but, by Jove, to get there you don’t need a bloody flail!

“Erm… What?!”

Well, listen, “You never flail until you stop trying” but the truth is you’re doomed to failure. Why? As if you’re carrying a Medieval flail around with you the chances are you’ll be arrested. Ever heard of anyone who accomplished anything in jail? Other than Andy Dufresne, no one. Not even Hitler (except for that 200,000 word book he wrote).

Of course, what Einstein probably meant with his stupid saying is that humanity can never truly flail unless you stop trying. It’s as simple as that. Being the prescient sort, perhaps he meant in the way humans flail about on the dance floor on a Friday evening. Indeed. So Professional Moron will hit the town tonight in flares and pull some shapes. Why? To prove Einstein was an imbecile!