One of the great things about the Terminator is the deadpan way in which Big Arnie slamdunks his lines home. We’ve covered the legendary “I’ll be back” in another quote off, but today we’re taking a look at one of the unstoppable killing machine’s raunchier lines. He wants some clothes… and he’s going to get some guys naked in order to achieve his goal.
At the start of the film, the Austrian Oak can be seen walking stark naked around at the dead of night. For most people, this is unusual behaviour. For the Terminator, it’s just another night of work. But what if he’d been a bit jaded and decided to override his mission objectives? What if he’d… gone solo?
Your clothes, give them to me. Now.
When a robot wants some clothes, a robot wants some clothes. Note the young Bill Paxton with the blue spikey hair – we’ll miss you, Mr. Paxton, you legend!
Your cloths, give them to me. Now.
Did the Terminator come back to collect everyone’s cloths, so he could have a big tea party? It’s a possibility.
Your hoses, give them to me. Now.
Or perhaps he wanted to be a fireman. He’d have been the best damn fireman in the world, too, there’s no denying that!
You’re clothes, give them to me. Know.
Who’s to say the Terminator wouldn’t have a few malfunctions when it came to dialect?
Your bros, give them to me. Now.
This camper version of the Terminator would have seen the machine going out on a pulling spree one fine evening – hence the nudity.
Your noses, give them to me. Now.
Perhaps fed up of his nose, the Terminator may have been eager to collate many noses together to create a giant nose. Who knows?
Your sows, give them to me. Now.
Well, most people don’t own any pigs, so this time around the dude will have been left wanting.
Your woes, give them to me. Now.
In this version of the Terminator, the unstoppable juggernaut of a machine is going around eradicating humanity’s many woes. Good on him!
Your toes, give them to me. Now.
With some sort of weird toe fetish, this version of the film would have been a bit rubbish. Toes are useful, but not worthwhile obsessing over.
Your elbows, give them to me. Now.
Neither are elbows.
Your common evening primrose, give them to me. Now.
Did all the Terminator really just want to do is garden it all up a notch? We think so. What a sweet man.
Your scarecrows, give them to me. Now.
The Terminator kind of is a scarecrow, when you think about it. He is scary and would probably scare crows as well, so he has no real need for scarecrows. Maybe he just wants some company.
Your dominoes, give them to me. Now.
This is not the time for fun and games, Terminator, you’re here to slaughter Sarah Connor!
Your pantyhose, give them to me. Now.
What the hell do you need them for?! Goddamn pervert.
Your embryos, give them to me. Now.
Okay, so maybe all he wanted was to be a father. Who could deny a remorseless killing machine that opportunity?
Your innuendos, give them to me. Now.
It’d certainly help you improve upon those one liners, man.
Your Eskimos, give them to me. Now.
Not quite sure why he’d want them, but a Terminator has to do what a Terminator has to do.
Your polyphonic prose, give them to me. Now.
Well… I guess he really does want to improve on those one liners, then, and change “I’ll be back” into a polemic on the nature of being and existing in the ’80s as a robot.
Your pistachios, give them to me. Now.
After travelling back in time, you’d be bloody hungry, too.