Exclusive Invention: The Lunge (a lounge for lungers)

The Lunge
This is the best copyright free image of a pre-lunge we could find.

Two inventions over consecutive days!? Yes, but we’re chuffed with this one because there’s really not enough room to perform lunges these days. If you do this in public, people give you this weird look like you’re a halfwit. Truth is, lunges are really good for you and can help improve your posture, allow you to stretch before exercise, and can instigate a hernia which leads to time off from work.

A lunge is a sudden forward thrust with one’s body, sometimes ending with one balancing in a, kind of, kneeling position. Famous lungers include the Queen of England, Keith Richards, Jim Carrey, and Mr. McHenry from the Magic Roundabout. None of these (except probably the Queen) ever had a room solely to indulge in their wholesome hobby of lunging, though, but now is the time to end this! We have created… the lunge!

The Lunge

It’s kind of like a lounge, then, but only for someone overtaken with a sudden urge to perform a lunge. This may sound unusual to you, but once you’ve been bitten by the lunging bug you’ll find it quite difficult to stop. Thusly, you’ll need a specific room in which to head off and look stupid.

This is where the lunge comes in handy. To get one, you can either transform one of your current rooms into it (such as your bathroom – do you really need it? Just use the garden if you’re desperate), or you can get an extension. The bigger the lunge is, the more room you’ll have to lunge, so aim for a good 20ft by 20ft to be on the safe side.

The perfect lunge (as in the room, not the actual lunges you’ll be performing) will be free from obstacles – this is the point of the room. Normally, you’d be dislocating your kneecaps on furniture, falling downstairs, or smashing your skull open after knocking some pottery onto yourself. You new room will eradicate such woes!

“Can’t I Just Use My Lounge?!”

No. Why? As you have furniture in there, stupid! This is why it’s necessary to spend at least £20,000 in pursuit of your dream lunge. Of course you can empty out your lounge and place the furniture elsewhere in your home, but the best option, by far, is to go all out and build yourself this room. What would you normally do with that money, anyway? You’d just buy donuts with it, you morbidly obese imbecile!

Anyway, with your lunge free from distractions you can head on in and lunge to your heart’s content. You’ll find the lunge spacious, roomy, lengthy, and pretty much empty, although you will need to hoover at least once a week (thankfully, you can perform lunges whilst you hoove).

Contact us for any assistance you might need in constructing your lunge. Professional Moron Construction Ltd. has been founded to demolish and bulldoze your home as required, and we’ll erect your lunge quicker than you can say: “Shit, this was a total waste of money”. Enjoy!


Dispense with some gibberish!

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