Great Sayings Revisited: Go Down Like a Shed Balloon

Go down like a shed balloon
Keep your balloons away from this shed!

What the hell is a shed balloon? This is what we always ask when confronted with this most vacuous of sayings. We’ve been there and seen many so far: beauty is in the eye of the beetroot holder, Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scones, and all the others, but this one is certainly the most perplexing. Why would anyone have a shed made out of balloons?

Perhaps it’s an ironic thing – a shed made out of balloons wouldn’t go down, it would go up, like in that Pixar film Up. Thusly, by saying this saying, you’re being intentionally a bit of a dick, like one of those people who goes “Talk to the hand, because the face ain’t listening”. Well, dick, you pay attention to us right now – this nonsense has got to stop!

Go Down Like a Shed Balloon

Sheds and balloons are disparate items, kind of like chalk and cheese. One doesn’t typically see shed and balloons mentioned in the same sentence, unless it’s, like, a hot air balloon which has careered out of control into someone’s garden and destroyed an arbitrary shed. That’s always a nuisance and makes the news once every other decade.

Other than this, we can’t think of any other reason why this saying would exist, unless there’s, you know, a really crap birthday party for some poor kid and the father nailed some balloons to the shed. That would be a bit weird, but that birthday party sure would go down like a shed balloon.

So – is the saying for the optimists or pessimists of this world? On close analysis, you’d have to say the latter, but then again it could be the former as, if it’s a particularly disastrous concept (such as a fat hairy man wearing pink speedos to a beach), then the saying would be rather appropriate. This is a most perplexing mystery.

A Sensible Solution

The sensible solution, in our opinon, was to make a shed balloon and see what happened. Now we’re famous for our genius inventions (although, fiscally, we haven’t been rewarded… yet) so making one of these wasn’t overly difficult. We simply used the shed in our yard and attached 500 helium balloons to it.

This was then transported to the roof of the Professional Moron office, where we released it out into the wild. What happened next is as follows – it plummeted to Earth with considerable gusto and smashed onto one of our neighbour’s cars. There was a lot of damage involved to both products – numerous balloons also popped.

The ironic thing here is, as you’d expect, this went down like a shed balloon with our neighbour. This has led us to realise this saying has some considerable truths about it, such as not pissing off your neighbours with destructive behaviour. Bear that in mind, everyone. Love thy neighbour (even if you hate them), as otherwise they may sue you.

6 comments

  1. Wow, and here I was convinced that the shed balloon would rise up into the sky.
    Once again, Professional Moron has gone the extra distance to disprove something. Better luck next time!

  2. Sir, I believe Pixar already explored this idea but with a home in the place of a shed, taking our belief in the implausibility of a balloon-ed shed and basically spitting in our face! 10/10 would experience the disbelief and wonder again.

    • It’s disgusting, I know. I can only curse Pixar for its heinous ways and watch Studio Ghibli films instead (I’m sure there’s a shed in one of those somewhere).

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