Over the passage of time, human language has created great sayings which people can turn to in moments of trouble and strife. One glorious one is what we’re focusing on today: beauty is in the eye of the beetroot holder. Truly, it’s a saying for the ages – wise, timely, and in recognition of the capricious nature of subjective thought.

This saying apparently emerged in 3^rd century BC Greece, evidently a time when beetroots were plentiful and beauty was judged by those who held them. Clearly, these fruits were something of a societal norm creator back in antiquity, yet this saying exists to this day. Let’s see what this means for us all.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beetroot Holder

Judging someone’s beauty by first acquiring, and then holding, a beetroot is one of humanity’s more peculiar traditions. Where, exactly, did that one come from? Beetroots are weird looking purple things with a green brain – they aren’t winning any beauty contests anytime soon.

Indeed, the best looking fruit has to be the strawberry, so the saying should be “beauty is in the eye of the strawberry holder”. Heck, we didn’t make ancient traditions, however, and we certainly aren’t going to go breaking them. Thusly, beholding beauty can only be done so if one has a beetroot.

This is why one only ever sees groups of men discussing women whilst standing around organic beetroot patches. If this sounds a touch abstract, it’s because it is. That doesn’t happen, does it? People never hold onto beetroots when judging other people. So what’s with this stupid goddamn saying and its predilection for beetroots?!

This is the beauty of sayings. They’re abstract. It’s like observing: “Break a leg.” You don’t physically want to go out there and get a lower extremity trapped in, for instance, a great white shark’s face, but sometimes bad things happen and stuff breaks.

“Erm…”

What it’s important to remember about with beetroots is they’re purple, which is pretty close to the colour red. Now red, unless you’re a raging communist, is typically associated with exsanguination (draining the blood out of something), but it also has time for the concept of “love”.

Beetroots and love don’t normally mix well. Indeed, if you met someone for the first time and they proudly announced, “Hello, I’m John and I really love beetroots!” you’d think this person (quite correctly) is absolutely insane.

About as insane as anyone who takes “beauty is in the eye of the beetroot holder” literally. The irony, of course, is one’s opinion of beetroots is subjective – some people may be disgusted by them and not want to hold one in case they burst forth in a feverish rash.

Thusly, does the beetroot hater never get to observe beauty? Are they doomed to an existence of nothingness? Are beetroots that bigoted, so prejudiced, and this obnoxious? If so, they can bloody well sod off!