Stones and mud walk hand in hand, like a newly married couple on holiday in Bolton. It’s not by the sea, there aren’t palm trees, you haven’t forced your friends and family to fork out £5,000 to go round the world to see you make out (“You may grope the bride!”), but it’s functional, cold, dank, pallid, and that’s all anyone could really ask for.

This is why the saying “Like trying to get mud out of a stone” is odd. We suppose mud wouldn’t be in a stone, just smeared all over it. This is unless the stone is a bit broken and has mud inside it. Regardless, we believe this saying is supposed to conjure up notions of something being insanely difficult – it’s the boulder-based equivalent of “You’re gonna need a bigger boat“. But not as good.

Like Trying to Get Mud Out of a Stone

There are many situations which are like trying to get mud out of a stone: picking your nose with an anvil, cooking noodles with only a solitary match, trying to put your quilt back on your duvet after it’s washed and dried, brushing your teeth with a chainsaw, and trying to ride a sofa like a surfboard.

The above are all improbabilities – these are the things which hold humanity back. Only a madman (or woman) would say: “I am going to the beach today to catch some surf on my sofa!”. Indeed, a raving lunatic. However, why shouldn’t you try to use your favourite sofa as a surfing implement? By saying something is “impossible” you are, by default, acknowledging your limitations. Do not do this. It is bad. Embrace challenge as you would embrace Brad Pitt arriving at your front door with a free chocolate cake.

Yes, we’re saying this is an overly pessimistic saying. It’s not a wise or humble statement, especially given the equidistant proximity of mud and stones on a general basis. Thusly, we beseech from you the following – disregard this saying in the way you would disregard Tom Hardy turning up on your doorstep with an atom bomb on a gradual countdown.

So I Shouldn’t Trust Stones?

Definitely, don’t trust stoners, but as for stones… well, as the old saying goes: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but mud will never hurt me”. So you can put your faith in mud (or the bible – whatever you want), but stones will leave you with shattered limbs and a need to visit a hospital for bizarre operations involving anaesthetic, needles, and scalpels.

Mud, on the other non-shattered limb… well, you can bathe in it, eat it (if you’re really desperate – can’t do that with stones, you’ll shatter your gnashers!), throw it at people you don’t like, throw it at people you do like (i.e. flirting), or make a mud pie! Why, the possibilities are endless, which is the antithesis of trying to get mud out of stone.